way of remembrance

Start of Something New

2011-01-01T07:01:00.000+07:00

dear blog..
Happy New Year. it's 2011, it's a new year, it's a new beginning.
I thank you for letting me rant and share my stories here.
I got to stop using you from now on.

Goodbye

have a good read.

2010-12-24T06:11:00.006+07:00

Dear blog.

Late Sunday on December 19th I got the chance to watch Indonesia's football team played in Gelora Bung Karno Senayan with my brother. The match is between my country and the Philippines and WE WON YEAH YEAH YEAHS! :D

been stressed out with my mountainous essays, I read this book which I bought in Periplus Soe-Hatta in a couple of previous weeks.

in the beginning, there was a question.
"Will you do my eulogy?"

Picture the most pious man you know. your priest. your rabbi. your pastor. your Imam.
Now picture him tapping you on the shoulder and asking you to say goodbye to the world on his behalf.
Picture the man who sends people off to heaven, asking you for his send-off to heaven.

In the beginning, there was another question.

"Will You save me God?" he said, trembling. "If I promise to give myself to you, will you save me tonight?"

Picture the most pious man you know. your priest. your rabbi. your pastor. your Imam.
Now picture him in dirty clothes, a shotgun in his hand, begging for salvation from behind a set of trash cans.
Now picture the man who sends poeple off to heaven, begging not to be sent to hell.

I was taught that in any conversation there are at least three parties; you, the other person, and God. but go on I ask him, How do you know God exists?
He pressed his fingers into his chin and said, "first, make the case againts Him."
okay, I said, how about this: we live in a world where genes can be mapped, cells can be copied, faces can be altered. We have science to tell us of the earth's creation; rocket probes explore the universe, the sun is no longer a mystery and the moon -which people used to worship. So why, in such a place, where the once-great mysteries have been solved, does anyone still believe in God or Allah or Jesus or Supreme Being of any kind? Haven't we outgrown it? Isn't it like Pinocchio the puppet? when he found he could move without his strings, did he still look the same way to Gappetto?

Have a Little Faith is about a life's purpose; about losing belief and finding it again; about the divine spark inside us all.

I reccomend this book to any of you whose perspectiveness about God is secretly vague. Dont tell, figure it out yourself; it's just between you and the God.
:)

Time, O Time

2010-11-21T07:31:00.019+07:00

Time goes, you say? Ah, no! alas, time stays, we go.
- Henry Austin Dobson

whoa we've almost reach the edge of November. it always surprise me how day by day has gone so fast. isn't it confusing how we live each day without noticing the movement and suddenly, BLAM! it just passed!
frankly saying that college and its thingy makes your life more colourful. it is true that sometime we hate it when we got plenty of tasks and assignments and full-day lecture. but we also miss it when we had lack of activities, that we have nothing to do it bores you to death. some time life treats you with its riddiculous way that you might be laugh at it rigidly, thinking of why were we even complain about it. and apparantly, like I've tweeted weeks ago, what is school without task and its deadline? what is school without annoying teachers? what is college without those boring lectures? what is life without ups and downs?

I've wrote another lame post full of rantings and unimportant thing last week. I may not regret it, but it annoys me to look at it whenever I come to this site. haha. so I managed to post something today.

Nah, I just remember that I haven't say happy eid to all of you yet.
so, where did you spend Hari Raya Adha, dear readers? My family and I had our eid pray at our residential place. they held Shalat Bersama in the sport club's parking lot. and they're doing the kurban butchery near that place, too. we didn't come to see the buthchery this year because we had to prepare for the family's gathering at home. it was fun going back home after a couple of weeks in here. it was 4days and 3nights of my stay. I came back here on Thursday morning, managed to go straight to campus as I've arrived and attended the class at 7:30. which was kinda heart-breaking. I shouldn't have that passionate, refering to only a few students who came. most of them were the group of those we called "Bandung residents". in a nutshell, those who live outside and/or far from Bandung managed to get back TODAY, sunday 21st. I should've be back today too!! *cry

okay move on shall we?
Last saturday I went downtown --Paris van Java this time-- with my dorm's neighbours. spent $$$ buying this and that, we reached home at 1 in the morning. hola! I know it's not going to be tolerable if it is dad who's waiting behind the door.

again, I went downtown just yesterday with a friend. I wanted to service my cell-card somewhere around Asia-Afrika street. and we went to this market area called The King, somewhere similiar to Blok M in Jakarta. and these are what I've bought. cant help not to buy anything, you know that kind of feeling dont ya ladies?

a bag and two necklaces.

my hand gets itchy to buy this cheap yet cool shoes.

okay I need to go now. plan for today is: watching Harry Potter #7 woohooooo! hope it's better than the #6! I've seen the trailer and I suppose it should be rated NC16? well I better check it out first.
adios! \:D/

sometimes.

2010-11-08T04:20:00.001+07:00

Sometimes I just realize...

...that the person who knows us the best is just the person we've never expect to do so.
...that the person who tells us who we are is just the person we knew for years, who tagged along with us day by day, time to time.
...that the person who always ready 24/7 lending their shoulders for us to cry on, is the person who supposed to get the title bestfriend.

and I just realize, that you might be damn-right about the advice you gave me just yesterday. that I might be well-described by you, who were, are, and (i hope) always there for me since years ago.

***

I've just came back from seeing my family in Lembang, Bandung. and guess. I've partially become this melodramatic that I cried in silent, tearless. I already miss them!
as I ever told you before, dear blog, I have no pears here in my dorm. There're always my seniors. although it was even better to share story with them, I feel not to do so this time.
so I ran away to this bestfriend of mine, 8:30 at night to her dorm. it took 15minutes by walking; 100metres approximately.

I know this isnt fair. I know I used to use you, my blog, as my stories-bin, but lately I've always came up with the sadness I brought in my stories. blogging just when I felt like crying. so sorry okay? next time I would share all the happy feelings, too.

you're just lucky I didnt forget you at all. ciao :)

Pray for Indonesia

2010-10-31T19:36:00.005+07:00

Indonesia's in a great grief.

sending prayer
for my brothers and sisters
out there.
for the victims of tsunami in Mentawai,
the victims of Merapi's eruption in Jogja,
the victims of flood in Washior (Papua).

deep condolances for the families who's left behind.
and for the sisters and brothers who's dead,
may God bless you all.
...amin...

a struggle of being home.

2010-10-11T07:58:00.004+07:00

Beware, this post contains profanity.

good morning blog.
yesterday I just had the worst journey ever. and the feeling about it remains until now, that way I decide to share it with you.

Two days ago, which is Saturday, I decided to go back to Jakarta, to come home for weekend bcs I cant stand not to see my family any longer. it was already 3weeks of not being home, so yeah I went back. With a friend of mine, we took a bus to get back to Jakarta. I was so excited for this homecoming so I told her to departure at 5 in the morning. unfortunately, the bus-driver of the bus we took was quite "errrrrrrrgh!! fvck it!" He dropped us at Bekasi's terminal, thus we need to take another bus to Jakarta's Lebak Bulus Terminal, to make it worse, he was parking the bus for almost an hour to get more passangers! so we were arrived at 10AM (suppose to be at 8!!) in Jakarta. damn it!

and the trip to get back here was the WORST. ever.
I hate to remember it, it makes me tired, but well let me just tell it.

At first it was all well-planned. my dad booked me a ticket for DayTrans travel at 1:30pm, to consider that I'll have enough time to catch the Damri Bus as soon as I'm arrived in Bandung. (Damri Bus operation stops at 6pm)
one thing we dont expect was that.... yesterday was the day of ITB university carried out an event of Pasar Seni. so it made a bad traffic-jam all the way around. from Pasteur till Taman Sari. continues in Dipati Ukur Street, where I'm supposed to get the Damri Bus.
and so, blam! there was NO bus. on the contrary, the passangers waiting for the seems-no-more bus was, okay, lets say it, exploded. it means I have to fight with them to get a single seat (or space) on the bus, which I highly doubt will come later. and it was already 5pm.
it was hectic: the cars in front of us stayed still. people mumbling and shouting telephoning their relatives; panicking, complaining and worrying about how they get moved away from the chaos and going home. that's what I feel, too. I was scared. the signal was really bad at that time, I cant contact my friend who's willing to get back here together. (she is my dorm's neighbour).

at 5:30, there was this conductor that came to the Bus Stop where we all stood with panic-faces. he said we have to walk to the Gazeebo bcs the busses were parked there. and you know what? WE WERE ALL RUNNING INTO THAT PLACE. and the Gazeebo itself was quite far! it seemed like we frightened the people inside the cars and the people around who saw us running like that, because I heard one of them said, oh my! it's a brawl happening in there! -___________-" I cant blame them, though. it really seems like we were going to brawling. with people shouting and running that excited, who wont presume it as a chaos?

I finally got the LAST bus. with a friend I just met there, we ran into the bus which already carried a lot of people in it, but we forced to get in. to make it worst, I was standing ALL THE WAY ROUND from Bandung til Nangor: an hour long, 37 kilometres far. all by standing without any chance to make a single move. this is serious. That was definetely, indoubtly the WORST trip ever in my travelling record.

and the last thing I want to say before the end of the post?
I'D GIVE NICE AND SWEET, TWO OF MY MIDDLE FINGERS TO THE BOY WHO STOOD NEXT TO ME IN THE BUS. FUCK YOU JERK.

Little House

2010-09-24T07:54:00.015+07:00

Dear, you.

Before I start, is it worth a say to announce you that this is the first post that I wrote here in my new little house?

it's been almost a week I lived here. Yeah, last Friday I was in my room back in Jakarta, thinking sadly of how short is the time I had left there. Now I'm here in my room in a cozy dormitory place, thinking that it's not too bad as I thought it would be. Thank God I had many things to do during these days, so it'd been great not to feel so homesick towards my family and my homey-home in Jakarta. I met friends who are capable to make me laughs all the way and time. I tried not to have any minute alone, thus I tried to make friends as much as I possibly can. Talk to as many people as I could. Doing anything -- anything to keep me 'alive', anything but going out at late night-time. :( you know what? I'd fricking love to choose badminton for my extra activity in college, but unfortunately they picked time for that at night. 8 PM in a sport-center near to Bandung, which means it's FAR AWAY from here. Thinking it'd be hard and risky to travel around that far at night, I eventualy give it up. maybe I'll try to join other UKM from the faculty instead. (My friends join swimming club, which I'm definitely incapable to do)

Last night (thu 23rd), my mom stopped by just to kissed me on cheeks and gave me dinner. trust me, it saddened me more. The story is, mom and her friends were having a trip around Tasikmalaya for two days. It's near from here and you need to pass the way to Nangor (my current place) to reach Tasik. That way I'm kind of hoping that she would dropped by to visit me here. but apparantly she's not. So I was begging her instead. I am missing her so much, to be frank! who doesn't?? when you're far away from people you love and knowing you can likely meet them easily in a short of time! So she said yes. Told me she has bought something for me from Tasik. But it was really a rush, last night.....
It was rained hard, and my mom was in hurry for chasing the travel that'll bring her back to Jakarta. So he told me to came down, to meet her on the street side because she and her friends couldn't get out from the car.

Good thing is that I called my best friend to come so I blabbered out all my feelings about all that had happenned that night.

and now I still have four hours left to prepare myself, for my class today will be started at 1PM and I have only one class on friday, it means every friday I'll be this chipper; staring at the computer doing whether the assignments, blog writing, exploring via Google, or just chatting on the facebook.

Anyway. The title I put up there was actually the title of a song by Amanda Seyfried. she sung it for the film starring herself, Dear John. (dont tell me you'd never watched it!) if you need slow songs to fits your not-so-good mood, that'd probably be a good one for you.

See you around and have a great weekends everyone!

College Life!

2010-09-07T17:09:00.004+07:00

Dear blog. I am officially a colleger now!!
I got two weeks of holiday now, as Hari Raya is coming on 10th and 11th Sept. I missed the chance to write on time because I haven't set the internet connection in my room. so here it goes.

My college orientation was held on 16th-20th last month, then a week of holiday, and the first session of study the week after.
AND COLLEGE LIFE WAS FUN!

The orientation was actually divided into three parts: University orientation, Faculty orientation, and the last one -- Department orientation.
The first week of orientation, that one from 16-20 aug, was held by the university. we attended a ceremony at UNPAD Bandung. there, they accepted us -formally- as the new student of Universitas Padjajaran Class of 2010. The next day we came to join the Students Day, where all the seniors introduce us about the whole UKM (Unit Kegiatan Mahasiswa-red) or student activities, and the organizations my civitas has. The rest of the week we were accepted as the new students and welcomed by each Faculty.
The Department and Faculty orientation will be held together and it'll be a month long, starts on September 25th. My department seniors said that'll be okay if we dont come. I actually -convinced and persuaded by my friends- dont think that I'll come though, but yeah we'll see. hahaha

I learned a lot of unusual things, something in college that we could've never experience before in average school life.
The lecturers are WAY MORE strict than our high school teachers, and they teaches more effective, too, of course. but that was only a week filled with introductions, 'first session' subject that we knew we haven't entered the real lesson yet and it was quite relaxed.. me and my new friends were often travelling around the campus area on the class' break or when there are no lecturer come.

Living by myself in kostan was the hard part of these. not that hard, actually. it's just sometimes I felt that it was so much tiring. Like, I had to go outside and buy myself a food whenever I'm hungry, for instance. That's not the thing we normally do when we're at home, right? when we're home we just instantly walk into the kitchen and find the food: they're always available there.
Some other time I felt alone, too. I'm kinda homesick at first. I miss my family especially Dinda. though many times I said she was annoying but gosh she was the one I missed the most when I'm away! I am fortunate that all of the seniors I'm living with are so lovely and kind-hearted. The one whose name is Teh Alya is the same age with my brother and we're close. one thing I regret from my kost house is that there're no kitchen and no house-keeper! sometimes it's terrifying to stay alone at night when all my rooms-neighbour are away :(

okay then. I think I've sum everything up. Now, in case I cant write for a couple weeks later, I'd like to say Minal Aidin wal Faidzin to all of you who read this. Forgive my wrongdoings. See you! <3

Marhaban yaa Ramadhan

2010-08-11T09:09:00.007+07:00

good morning. Today is the first day of Ramadhan! can you believe that?? how time flies, really.
as we're about to do fasting, our Lord Says we have to ask and definitely, to give apology to our friends -no exception- to get a white, pure heart one more time. So please, forgive all my mistakes that I might've been done to you. intentionally or not. and let me speak as my family's name, we're all sorry for all the wrongdoings. :)

I'm kinda busy these days (gaga.com) and actually have no interest in blogging.
getting really really excited for my college orientation, which will be held this month on 16th till 20th.
I've done moving my stuffs to my dormitory in Jatinangor, (about 20 kilometres far from Bandung), where my campus is actually in there. done preparing myself for living by myself for at least 3+ years ahead. Big step lies ahead :)
I'm going to go back there all by myself on Friday. City Trans travel was chosen to take me there. wish me a safe and nice run please! :D

buongiorno!

2010-07-06T07:37:00.017+07:00

hello blog!
that's Italian languange for good morning. why italian? because I was supporting Italy for the winner of World Cup 2010 and my supports ended just until the first round. like @ihatequotes tweeted, italy was a history :cry:
and like it wasnt bad enough,

Gianluigi Buffon, my favourite goal keeper from Juventus team, just played for the first match only (and first half, too!) because the injury he got on his back, that made him lost the matchs onwards. But nevermind, I still admire him though. He's the one that made me love watching football whenever italy is playing, and I admire him since my age is 8. and did you notice how amazing it was, that Italy team, when they played in FIFA World Cup 2002? >:D

then, to make it worst, they didnt even make it to play in the second round! :tearful:

EH EH WHY AM I TALKING FOOTBALLS?

seems like my mood for blogging is back :D

yesterday was uber fun!
went to some places with my brother and sister, first we went to my sist's school to buy her primary 6th hand books, then I had my ATM processed :) after that we went to Taman Anggrek Mall, watching Eclipse (me and Dinda) while Adit having Chloe by his own. why boys dont like Twilight Saga, anyways?

Ps. I'm totally blame you, Meyer and make-up artists!
Meyer, I blame you for creating a perfect yet impossible fiction man like Edward! and I blame you, make-up artist, what in the world you use on Robert Pattinson to make him looked that gorgeous???!! crap I was melting all the time. his smileeeeee ♥.♥

oh another for-my-own-note, when my sister and I bought bubble-drinks, the Hip-Hop one (you know aite?), they gave us a quostionaire(?) asking us to guess what team who will win the World Cup Champion. it's more like a lottery, though. if we guess correctly they give doorprizes, stuff like that. my guess will be Germany if only Dinda hadn't already wrote "Spain" on it. Note!: it's not that I support Germany (no way!), it's just because maybe I can win the prizes, for guessing that strong(?) team. blah. okay let's just see on July the 11th! hahaha!

5pm we got home, and then I got to go to my friend Adi's private birthday-party after twilight, which is pretty hilarious. it was 1:4 in ratio, comparing the girls and the boys who came. what the heck, only three girls and dozens of boys? but it was fun, though, really. Thank you, Adi, your chicken-barbeque-ashes you and Adit WR were toasting was surprisingly delicious, hehe.

at 8something we back home, Iyud fetch me halfway home, and I got my mom's nag, as always.

Greetings, Lady July

2010-07-04T10:49:00.016+07:00

Good Morning, July.

since I found out that there is no use putting that tweet-updates here in my blog, I've deleted it right away. geez, twitter is so addictive. I'm telling you that no day I spent without tweet something, like it was important or what -,-

June went pretty much good, suffice it to say. I spent my holiday time doing stuffs I've never learn/doing before. like, getting expert on cooking, hehe. I'm trying some recipes from mom's food-recipe books. most of times I failed. either the food wasnt as delicious as I hope it would be, or my hands got scourch.
I'm also preparing all the things I need for my college-life. I've list all of it and some has already been packed.

and then.. I have my Bali-trip with my family (minus Adit) on June 25th-27th and it was greeaattt! we went to five different places in two days, each has plenty of photos my dad and I took and has already been uploaded to my facebook's photo album. the one I put above, taken at GWK stairs -- Garuda Wisnu Kencana, a spot where the statue of Visnu (as I remember what the driver said - this Visnu is Hindu's god) and the massive Garuda was built. (my brother was just said "it's okay" when I'm telling him that he must've been jealous! :p)
and.. thankfully I've got the chance to step my foot to Bali, because I've never been to Bali in my life before although I've been gone to Lombok Island all the time! (Bali Island is next to Lombok, red). and too bad another trip to Bali I'm planning with Dela and Fifi is canceled. again, it's allright :)

so people. soon enough I'll be going to college. oh how I hope this 16th of July will bring me such an awesome news. please?

when life comes into lines

2010-06-05T20:53:00.007+07:00

Hey blog. I want to share you something in list. Call it my random thoughts cause I dont feel like I want to tell it in paragraphs.

1. Yesterday I went to UNPAD to complete the registration. I’ve got the KTM (kartu tanda mahasiswa, -red) and other identity cards already, as UNPAD colleger :)
2. I booked a roomhouse near campus. The location is near, it could possibly takes only one angkot and an 80meters walk to reach the campus. And yes it has beautiful and cozy and neat rooms and surrounded with nice and cozy area, too. but still, I would find another cheaper and nearer roomhouse by the next time I go there.
3. I felt excited, when we reach the campus yesterday. I found that my campus is soo nice and cold, for the area is SURROUNDED BY THE MOUNTAINS, geez! I’m sure I’ll love it very much!
4. I know this will be so mellow and crybaby-like. But my next statement will be: I HAVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN THE FUTURE. I HAVE TO. I will earn as much money as I could. I will work overseas, I will take my parents west and south, I WILL GIVE THEM AS MUCH MONEY AS THEY NEED. I feel guilty, seeing how much my dad has sacrificed his energy & money just to pay up my college fee.
I was thinking... when I saw my dad driving the car on the toll road yesterday: he and mom take a day-off and drove ±150km Jakarta-Sumedang (west Java) just to accompany me arranging all this college stuff. Dad, specially, was the one who might feel tired the most. But he’d never, ever show that he is tired, or even say that he’s tired. I, in the other hand, was straightly overslept in the car as we went home. and he just amamzingly still awake and on from falling asleep, that he drove us home safely. .... what if it’s me who takes his position? What if I were him? --> HE'S JUST THE GREATEST MAN I’VE EVER HAD.
5. I have to be good at managing my own money. for God’s sake, this is so important. I dont know how could I survive myself from managing money for my own needs there. for I know that I am the spendthrift ones. this is freaking me out, to be frank.

-- this is a lame post. but I feel like I have to post this for my own archive.

ADIOS~

what I've been into

2010-06-03T09:29:00.002+07:00

Chase the clouds away
When I see your face baby
I like the night time,
But I can't live without my sunshine
You're the reason that I'm smiling all the time
You are my sunshine

Sunshine. Ne-yo feat Phyllisia

(I put that pix of lovers and romantic lyrics. doesnt mean I tried to tell about love life)

bookstore; my own corner of heaven

2010-06-01T19:38:00.019+07:00

IT’S ALREADY JUUUUUNNEEEEEEEEEE! :D

Hi hi hi people! How are you?? Ah I regret I just wrote only 4 posts last month.
It’s June now. Finally. Closer to “moving out from our comfort zone and welcome to the college thingy!” it’s time to explore the real world; it’s time to step one stage ahead! Yeay~

Hmm today is the first day of June. what to expect?
I have some of June wishes, for sure :)
and, this is the early day of the month, which is I think I’m currently in a state of my PMS-time :P I somehow turned blue and then laughing like crazy, sad then excited, mad when they’re nothing to be mad about; I feel the tense of my mood swing in the last three days. Bad myself, control the pms, be mature!

Nah, I just bought a book from Gramedia Pondok Indah Mall this noon. It’s “Karena Kita Tidak Kenal”. Contains of 16 short stories by Farida Susanty (the writer of best selling novel ‘Dan Hujan Pun Berhenti’, winner of Khatulistiwa Literary Award), its cover uniquely eye-catching and I just love the synopsis written behind. Almost all of the stories telling one specific word: Strange(r).

"ini adalah cerita tentang orang asing. Merasa asing dengan diri sendiri, membagi rahasia dengan orang asing, mencoba menarik perhatian orang asing, dan memengaruhi hidup orang-orang asing."

Why short-stories instead of novels? ‘cos lately I feel kinda bored of reading more than 3cm-thick novels. I still have two unfinished novels back on my bookshelf, The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson) and Maryamah Karpov (Andrea Hirata). and I dont think that I’ll regret having this book, so far I’ve read it proves me right. This book is worth-to-read. Farida’s going in to the list of my favourite Indonesian writer :D

comment on my looklet designs here.

Ps. These are my tips when you go to a bookstore;

- Never buy a book just because you love the cover on it, ever.
No matter how beautiful or attractive it wrapped, doesnt mean the story is great, too. It’s good to apply this ‘dont judge a book by its cover’ -jargon because it is definitely true. Worn out books with worst covers can be the best literature we’ve ever read.
- Read the synopsis first, and make sure you’re interested to read it on.
if they dont give the cheats, better go find the review from the internet/magazines. It’s more helpful if the store has one book which already opened in the display. take time to considering whether that book is good or not. this will also prevent you of being regret later, for buying something you actually dont like. what a waste.
- if you’re really A Man Who Loved Books Too Much – as I saw it titled on one of the book at Gramedia (by Allison Hoover Bartlett) -- bring no company with you!
For me, it’s always easier and more comfortable when you have no one who’ll interrupt you reading a book’s title or walking alongside through the shelves. It’s irritating. Especially if they’re not a bookworm at all.
- Enjoy the atmosphere of the place where you belong, bookworms :D
it’s always a mood-boosted everytime I smell the scene of fresh paper of thousands books around the corner; corner of heaven for my own :) do you feel the same, too?

Pss. Dont know why, but personally, I’ll always liking a novel with a clip of song lyrics in it :D
it feels as if when you read the lyric, the song will automatically tune in your heart and brighten the story, somehow makes the ending beyond our expectation. want an example of best-seller book with lyrics? 5 cm by Donny Dhirgantoro and this newest book I just bought.

if you want a site of books review/info, this site would probably good, as my reccomendation, try goodreads.com :)

HAVE A NICE JUNE!

life and lost

2010-05-24T11:02:00.011+07:00

God creates all in the world in pairs, doesn't He?

I am back now, dear blog.
Back then I was thinking, college stuff confuses me much so I thought I need to pause blogging. But it's like an addict, you know, for a person who has the habitude when they log on to the computer and write an online journal everyday, everytime. and I cant help to stop any longer, har har.

So hello, good morning was the wrong greeting, I guess. as the clock shows 11:10 AM, I'd like to say "have a nice lunch, hey you" -____________-

many things passed by.

I lost my foster grandmother -- she took cares of me and my siblings for years since my brother was born and continues with me and my younger sister -- on May 17th. that day I was in a great grief of losing someone I loved, for eternity? *sobs* Though how hard I was pleading my parents to come back to Mataram (my hometown, where she was there dying), I know I was already late.
Nevertheless, all my family said things to calm me down, like; I dont have anything to be mourning about, cause she was died peacefully; that spending buckets of tears or a bunch of money to have a late night flight wouldn't wake her up at all; that a plenty of prays for her would be more than enough; that this way is the best for her.
so I do believe that she's now in a beautiful place God possibly give. Thank you, Papuk, for giving the best nursing for me, my brother, and my sister. Thank you, for taking care of us like we were your own children. Thank you, for sacrificing a lot of your time and energy, just to protect and helps our needs when we were babies. you have my love wherever you are right now, endless :)

also, Indonesian people had lost a great woman, too, Mrs. Ainun Habibie, the wife of our former president, BJ.Habibie. she died of cancer :(

Goodbyes, great women. God knows who are the best that He took you from this worsenned world.

and what else, I have this story I wont share in the same post with what I wrote above. later would be good. adios. catch you soon :)

2010-05-16T18:42:00.001+07:00

drop by to say a temporary goodbye, I guess.

The Boy in Striped Pajamas

2010-05-06T13:13:00.016+07:00

“...Despite the chaos that followed, Bruno found that he was still holding Shmuel's hand in his own and nothing in the world would have persuaded him to let go.”

This day I spent my morning watching “The Boy in The Striped Pajamas”, a very unbearably touching film ever made, a film which set during World War II.

This film told us a story of the secret friendship between a son of the commandant of NAZI soldiers, named Bruno, and a jewish boy who lived in the concentration camp nearby Bruno’s new house, named Shmuel. Both aged 8, they accidentally met at the side between the land of Bruno’s family’s house and the concentration camp.

Bruno’s innocently curious about many things lied between the wired fence among them. He kept asking several things like; why does his new companion wearing a striped pajamas with a line of numbers on it every day, every time? Why Shmuel always looked sad and hungry, and afraid of being caught whenever they met? Why there was that wired fence surrounding the area? And why his parents always forbid him to get any closer to this so-he-thought ‘farm area’ ?

For Bruno’s ignorance, he was taught by his family to be always proud of whatever his father was, of whatever his father’s doing for the job. Although his father was definitely againts of what we called humanity, who enslaved Jew people and then killed them violently, so Bruno was likely keep ensuring himself that his father, occasionally, doing something good for the ‘farmers land’ where his friend Shmuel live in. And so Bruno didn’t find any problem to kept befriended with this Jew kid. Besides, Bruno hadn’t had any friends in his new house, it made him often visited the campside area.

One day Bruno found out a way for him playing with Shmuel inside the camp, by digging the ground below the wired fence. Shmuel helped him and gave Bruno a suit of the ‘pajamas’ like he wore, so that Bruno would secretly looked like the Jewish people inside the camp. then he successfully came in. happily, they made a ‘mission’ to find Shmuel’s missing father.

Climax: The day Bruno was inside the camp area, was the day of the jew’s incineration time, a set of NAZI’s violance act. They both are rounded up with the Jew people into a march, led by the NAZI’s guards. Both were frightened, yet don’t know where the march led them to. Shmuel, together with Bruno, kept holding each other’s hands until they came into an isolation room (or whatever it is, I don’t know). It was rained hard outside, so when they were still in, Bruno told Shmuel “maybe they (the NAZI guards) just let us here until the rain stops.” But in fact, that was how the NAZI killed Jewish. They ordered them to put off their clothes and burned them there. (or gassed them to death?)

almost to the end of this film, there was his father Ralf (that NAZI’s commandant) looked in horror and regretful, when he finally found out that his own son was died in his army’s hand he chaired.

* * *

Ps. I'd love to give 4 of 5 stars for this film. they made it; the ending is just oh-so-touchy. they wrapped it amazingly nice. you'll love it!

Hello Ms.May!

2010-05-05T11:20:00.006+07:00

Bonjour blog!

So it’s already May, I see. Things went slowly, but good :D

I spent the first day of May in Bogor. Having IPB test for two days till May 2nd and slept over at Adit’s dormitory.

Dont ask how was the test, I wont explain anyway. fyi, Sandra and Bellia were also in the same place where I had my test. harhar.

and I was happy! Really happy. So long I’ve been wating for the days I could spent my spare time in Bogor doing kuliner with my beloved brother at night, and when it happenned yesterday, no doubt that I insisted him to do so. Though I must’ve study for the test, but this is worth ‘forcing’ for :p I enjoyed living in his dormitory (though that’s a boys’ hostel) and living a life of the college-student wannabe :)

and today, I got accepted at UNPAD, Bandung. English Literature. hehe
Happy to see my parent proud of me, and they were as cheerful as a singing bird this morning. Thanked Allah for the first row :D

May is good. she’s April’s best friend, I guess. will say kinder (or even best) if she could bring me the real happiness in her 15th. UI result! Pray pray pray, people!

I’m not in a mood for blogging. Gonna go to friend’s house this afternoon.
Catch you later, may I? Adios!

Ps. I’m craving for a new bluetooth hardware for my laptop. Been months I’ve never upload the photos from my phone cause this laptop’s bluetooth has been damaged since last midyear. I’ll be thankful to any of you who can suggest me the best place to buy that thing. or, the proper way to fix it up. Thanks.

a morning interrupt.

2010-04-30T06:04:00.004+07:00

Believe me,
no one would ever
notice when you sit
upon the dewy garden of yours.

a relieve, it is,
when you breathe
the scent, the smell of a fogging morning.

when you staring at the sky,
finding that a full, white,
rounded moon is still up there.
waiting to the sun to beat her.

when you sense
that your ears
captured a slow, gentle chirps of the birds up there,
greeting the flesh of rushing spirit behind their veins.

here you are,
staring at the silence sky.
the sky
that seems like
making the distance with the hectic life under.

It’s a beautiful
beautiful morning.
will you see, it’s a beautiful day,
too?

The moon’s already fading away,

GOOD MORNING, DEAR.

:)

Jakarta, in the end of beautiful April, at 6 AM.

goodbye high school

2010-04-27T11:41:00.008+07:00

I know that I am one of the well-blessed people by the God’s Almighty.

Saturday the 24th, I was freakin out when I heard a rumour that one of the students of SMAN 63 Jakarta (my school) was reportedly failed to pass the National Examination.
it boosted my mood into the very bottom and made me cried all along the night. I was freakin out, I was frightened, I was so effing scared.
My pessimistic instinct was drowned me like gazillion of scary Dementors had been around. I was awake all the night. I cant even sleep for 10 minutes long, bcause I always found myself terribly delirious and was non-stop saying “Allah please, dont let me be, dont let me be the one who failed.”
for I had live my life over 18 years long, that was the most terrible night I’ve ever been through. God.

but when I had finally received the result on Sunday, April 25th 2010 (yes people, 25, not 26) I was speechless. all I could do that morning was just thanked Allah for His Fairness, for His Merciness. You know, I lost my optimism the day before but I kept my trust on Him, that He must've been devised something best for His people who go through His Way.
what? I’m not always this radical but this is so true that I decided to mention all the details for you.

God, I am blessed.

thank You for answering all my prayers. thank You for letting me passed the UAN. thank You for letting me finished all these high school’s things. thank You for giving me Your Miracles. ALHAMDULILLAH~

:)

A Night to Remember: SSS reunited

2010-04-23T20:42:00.009+07:00

good evening my pretty appeasement blog..
here I am again, having a very good mood from yesterday's story :D

yesterday was really a great day, it really was.
My ex-classmates from SIS and I attended a reunioun which had been planned several days before at FX Plaza, Sudirman.
why FX plaza, you may ask? it was because Sandra had six free-tickets to slide at the Plaza's sliding vehicle.

there was a funny story at the beginning.
I ask you, do you ever experienced the moment when you meet someone you used to know and the fact that they are totally (and surprisingly) changed (the appearance), so it made you barely recognize them when you meet them somewhere sometimes?
I had it once; yesterday.

Ruslan Abdul Nasser, as we completely knew called Ruslan, was the one who had an obvious changing.
you know what, I was on my way back to the entrance gate at FX plaza after I did my zuhur pray at the ground floor, when I saw a man approaching me at that time. I was busy handling my bag and phone to contact the others who hadn't come yet so I was just glanced at him in a seconds, still didnt recognize who was him. then I heard someones’ sizzling at me.
Astonished, I turned right. AND THERE WAS HIM. it was him! Ruslan!
people, he changed a lot. Although I already met him with his slender-body version, I still quite confused to saw him that slim! hahaha
his face was quite the same as the last time we met. and I still recognize his heavy guffaw (you know, his particular “hahahahahhaha” follows with his head gazing up) but his height?? dont ask. he has growing so much height, and that was incredibly amazing.
so at that time I was like, “ih Ruslaaaan?? is that seriously you??” he was also surprised with my unfamiliar attitude, and we laughing our ass off :p
err.. hard to admit that he actually more handsome now :p bad thing is all of the compliments we said made him feel so high and so narcisstic at the time.

now lets not make Ruslan as the center of my story here.

So after we had our lunch at the foodcourt, we slided. it was cool, the slide was. They were right, I was the one who screamed the loudest :( my bad.
right after we slided and bought the pictures of our dummy faces while sliding, we went to Senayan City.

To sum it up, it was totally fun. We were all had fun.
after several chit-chat, laughters, plenty pictures were taken, ranting stuffs and gossips, time would never wants to stop; it was already 8 o’clock when we finally being picked-up, so we walked out and waved each other goodbyes.
good things we had chance to be reunited in the end of our high school years. Next time, we’ll gather again when we’re in college or when we're already become a successful man :)

“my stories” was a copy of the fragile lil kid.

2010-04-22T08:00:00.012+07:00

this is funny.
I wake up this morning and walk foolishly straight to the computer, turned it on, and went downstairs to have breakfast and saying Mom and Dinda goodbyes.

I think my soul was still in the bedroom when I typed “www.friendster.com” on the address bar, and eye's wide open when I found out that I still have this blog: my stories! haha surprise!
It’s like, wth? was I really typed all of this? hahahahahahahahhahaha~

but yet, I was pleased I still had those lame and old archives of a long-long-long-time-ago life, bahaha. feel grateful, I am.
eh this is one of the poem I read and copy-pasted from the Singapore’s Today Newspaper. (July 2006)

“With every word, I learn to keep it.

With every critisim, I learn to understand.

With every ego, I learn about humality.

With every step, I learn to be careful.

With every mistake, I learn to improve.

With every doubt, I learn to believe.

With every injury, I learn about healing.

With every cry, I learn abour regret.

With every sin, I learn to repent.”

TODAY. singapore.

speaking of today, today is The Earth Day, right?

HAPPY EARTH DAY, TO ALL OF THE MANKIND.
choose one of the line on the picture above, and do it right away! todays Earth needs our help!

(I'm listening to: I’m Not Your Toy - La Roux @ prambors radio # Current mood: definitely exhilarated)

it was just a temporary feeling, I hope.

2010-04-20T20:43:00.010+07:00

hey blog. I've been so random these particular days. everything's seems out of place with this new routine: holiday. eh, was I trying to say holiday? no, no.
I hated the inner struggle I've been sensed. the thought of the undesires. the state of worries. feeling blue and a bit frustating of hasn't surrounded by friends for a week (while in fact, you are used to be with them like, forever?), less activity, and having an omited plan; do you ever recognize that kind of feeling I feel? right.
to conclude, I was so freakin tired yet curious of waiting April the 26th. God knows why.

so let me mend everythings up. at least, let me smoothen and unstress what's inside my head and heart.

I miss this song, reminds me back of 2003's life. sweet, sweet life :)

poem of an African Kid.

2010-04-17T10:31:00.007+07:00

good morning!
I unintentionally found this poem on Kaskus.
and intentionally laughing after the last sentence!
unique! :D

“ When I born, I black.
When I grow up, I black.
When I go in sun, I black.
When I scared, I black.
When I sick, I black.
And when I die, I still black.

And you white fellas..

When you born, you pink.
When you grow up, you white.
When you go in sun, you red.
When you cold, you blue.
When you scared, you yellow.
When you sick, you green
and when you die, you gray…

And you still calling me colored? ”

the a-a-a-announcement!

2010-04-15T08:09:00.009+07:00

buenos días, mis queridos amigos.

how are you today? good? I'm expecting a good day, too.
so anyway, I've already got the result of ITB (see this post) yesterday night. okay, so..ummm...............I failed :')

Lets be honest, I cried, no doubt. but then my mom told me not to cry. she even said "it's just okay! no need to cry. I believe this is the way Allah signed for you and your life. stop your crying now!" while I was hardly trying not to continuedly weeping, and handling a quick glance at papa who was seemed dissapointed. of course :"( he was the one who encouraged me all the time to get this university. tens times apologies cant be enough to pay up all your efforts, and money. oh how I hate myself...HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my mom, in the other hand, was busy hugged and cheered me. nah. how came you acted that calm, dear mama??? apparently, she was actually this half-heartedly giving me the permission (or should we say, restu) of letting me going to that-seemed-too-far-away-from-her college.
she is hoping for me getting UI! this way she is so wholeheartedly agree. OH MOM! :(
okay then;
SO MY HOPE NOW IS GOING TO BE THIS UNIVERSITY OF INDONESIA!
ALLAH PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU. grant what me and my mama had asked You.. I knew You're the Most Gracious and Merciful of all. amin~

SIMAK, UAS, and the rest of high school days.

2010-04-13T17:20:00.012+07:00

Good evening blog.

yippy diddy dumm, just one more day of UAS!
Tomorrow is Japanesse and PE exams, whatever. here I go, summarizing things up.

I, and all of the 12th grader in Indonesia, probably, attended SIMAK UI yesterday on April 11th. Mine was held at SMAN 8 Bukit Duri, Jaksel.
on the early morning, Carol was already shown up at my front yard (he also got SMAN 8 for his SIMAK) so when the time showed 615, we departed. it was hectic, that day. SMAN 8 wasn't as big, clean and neat as I thought before. In a nutshell, SIMAK was held for 5 hours, those including the Science Test, Basic Test, and Social Science Test.
the result will be announced in May 15th.
Hope we're all will meet again as a college-student of UI, amin amin amin~

*I have to pause typing, adhika is calling just now*
ya, speaking of our plan to reunion at Puncak, I still haven't ask my parent yet. the result of whether I got accepted at ITB ~~or not~~, is on April 15th. which is the day after tomorrow! (bismillaaahh, pray for me will you, readers?) Therefore, I dont know if my parent will allow me to go, for the plan to puncak is the day after that day. I mean, if I got accepted (AMIN), I guess I deserve a celebration, am I not? hahahahahaha ehm. it's okay if we're trying to be optimistic, isn't it?
But if the case turned the opposite..............no, I really hope it'll not turn the opposite, amin ya Allah :)

I guess I'll stop here. I have to dine and struggling of swallowing the most bitter pills I've ever tasted in my life: toothache pills. note: I'm not having a toothache, actually. it's my GUM. I've never got any problem with my tooth, stuff like perforated teeth, no, not even once. it's my gum being swollen. that's the worst ailment I've ever felt so far :(

I'm...

2010-04-06T20:09:00.006+07:00

so over(whale)med.

top 5 reasons why:
a. jakarta's polution.
b. the routines I've been through,
c. these seems-like-endlessly tasks and exams,
d. jakarta's hotter-and-hotter weather,
e. these annoyingly cough and dizziness.

I'm being unhappy.

picture from Twitter

2010-04-05T17:42:00.010+07:00

I shouldn't have blogging, not now. I've been ill since yesterday, --or the days before-- started since I got my period time. But whatever, I do miss blogging!

Like I said, I always get sick when I had my period time. girls do know, rite, the stomach-ache we got in the first till the third day. But then I guess there's something different with mine. Technically, I always get a bad baaadd stomachache --sometimes it gets me a complete sore so I almost got faint because of it-- while other women dont. I'm not exaggerating, no.
Yesterday when I walked in to mom's room to have some koyo (is it patches in English? the traditional and efficacious one, bought from China), she looked at me in a total worry and said; "Are you sick? your face seemed so pale!" Dang. "Yes ma, it was my womb," I thought.
Perhaps I should have a doctor's consultation..
The day after, on Friday, I came to school where it was supposed to be a holiday (Easter?). There was still an exam; art. Good thing I succeeded a perspective drawing with good mark, then hurried home and continued with a 2hours trip to Serang, Banten, visiting my cousin. On saturday, we had a practice for Biology and Physic's exams. and I'm not done yet; on Sunday, I had to go to Senayan to have my PE practice. My tired-signal was already in a dim red!!
geez, I might sound pathetic. But hey! it was my Mom's birthday! so I hid my sick-faced while we went out to had lunch and stuff.
in the night, they are all hit me, the viruses. I got fever, cough, and cold at the same time. But I forced to come to school today. The idea of overtake a practical-examinations is not good, so yeah.

Moving on,
I'm currently listening to Justin Bieber's My World part.2! :D
My sister finally bought it at PIM. hip hip horray!

did I ever mention that I'm a fan? hehe.
HE'S CUTE! dont you think? he has such a golden voice. and he's only 16! hmmmm~

........feels like years?

2010-04-01T17:05:00.013+07:00

Dear Blog.
woah, it's been a while. I'm now in the end of my senior year in high school. reason why I abandoned you these days. so many things to do, so little time. and all the tasks and exams which came like a turbo thunder. weeks by weeks with no pause. I mean it. and it really was exhausted.

Thank God the "it-day" (read: the National Examinations/Final Exams) had already passed a week ago. though actually, I cant say I'm already free now. because it giving me the real tests for my further life. all the entrance-university tests, the preparation, and the most important thing; my final exams' result itself. which will be delivered to my house in April 26th. To be honest, I am in a total horror. like, a real horror. when the UN was held, I was one of the 3 person in total of those-who-didnt-use-the-UN's answer cheat. which is a total illegal for my country. and which is also a total fuck because, although the teacher did know about it, they pretend like they didnt know. and let their students did that kind of cheat. (a fact that make it worst; those the teachers mentioned applied in all of the schools in Jakarta!) I know I may sound arrogant or else, not that I was the cleverest or even the smartest; I was probably the dumbest ever in my class, I could say so. but yes I did my own choice. I take the consequences, and will be ready to take the risk. Allah knows best what His people's deed. and He knows me best and I sure am He will answer my prayer. Amin.

Talking about universities, I already had my 3rd univ.entrance test last week. it was for Bandung Institute of Technology. held at SMA Labschool Kebayoran, Jakarta Selatan. months before the national exams, I applied for two private univ and got accepted. Unfortunately they dont give any payback if we sign up for others' univ.entrance except for the SNMPTN way (seleksi nasional masuk perguruan tinggi negri-red). and so it left me with no choice. I prefer to chase after the prestigious, all-people-dream-of university; UI :). Remember? "all the dreams we have, make it not only as a dream, make it true. hold in your held, show to the world."

On One Day....

2009-12-15T19:11:00.009+07:00

The moment has come for me to decide
To decide,
to choose one thing over another

though I know it happens all the time
all day which is full of
decisions to be made

though at times
they may seem small and
insignificant
But the consequences
can completely CHANGE MY LIFE.

yet
certainly,
the most difficult thing about
making a decision is...
choosing one thing
also means giving up another

This, is my time
the time which seems too long
Though I've already know,
there are moments that seem to last
an eternity.

An eternity made of moments
either from the past
or the present
Moments I had and wished to be good,
which turned out the opposite at the end
Ready to vanish in the blink of an eye.

It's time
It's time I'll let it be,
let it resolve the tensions,
and clearing up misunderstandings
which seemed too long
and insurmountable.

It's time
It's time I'll let my soul
filled with pure serenity
Where there had been only discomfort
and hopelessness before.

Time do passes
Taking with it the moment of the
New-found-Joyness
to return my heart back
from deep black,
greyish,
to white.
Pure White.

Jakarta, December 8th 2009.

be(st) friend.

2009-12-10T06:51:00.024+07:00

" It is by chance we met........By choice we became friends "

" Together forever, never apart. Maybe in distance, but never in heart "

I have nothing in my mind when you asked me what's bestfriend meant.
I have no idea how to answer " Do you really need bestfriend(s) in your life? "
I have no condition to tell, when you asked me to find five words that best describe a worth bestfriend for me.
I'm never sure of saying " 'course I have, they're people around me and you're one of them! "

if only you know...........

I cried when you are a step away from my daily life.
My heart trembled when I had to walk into the entrance gate at Changi Airport,
leaving you all behind, while the thought of "when will we meet again?" was buzzing & screaming in my head.
I scared of my own thought that may be you will just forget about me and our friendship, at all. & when I came to it, I wished I'd never leave.
But I won't want to cry that time, and so I didnt.
Letting my tears run down my face will making me so much weaker than I was, in that time.

I'm out of words, when you said that we belong to be bestfriend.
I feel safe when you hold my hand in the crowded of Malioboro Night. In case I might be lost or something, you protected me that way. and I'm so blessed.

I'm craving for words, searching and longing for an explanation that we ought to tell to each other.
how to make you stay through this path when we felt there was something bad occured to our friendship.

and I'm speechless, when I know that you're so absolutely right;
Don't say we're bestfriend while you don't even want to try to understand me better. Don't dare to say I'm your bestfriend, when all you've been doing is walking away from me whenever I was a metre close to you. Don't say even a word to me anymore, when all you just do is feeling separated by us. I knew things changed. But you're the one who changed too much.

I'm happy I've met such a good friend like you. I'm so grateful that we're destinied to be bestfriend like we are now. I dont want to be more than your bestfriend, not even less than that. I dont want to lose the best people in my life.
I still remember those words that you've spat to me last year...
& I know that it might be forgotten now.

" Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend. "
- Albert Camus

"A true friend is someone who knows there's something wrong even when you have the biggest smile on your face."

"Friendship is one mind in two bodies."
- Mencius

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."
- Anon

"Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher." - No Name

***

and today I realize.
finding a bestfriend, isn't as easy as getting boyfriends.
You can't say this familiar quote of " There's plenty of fish in the sea. You better
find another man "
Because apparently, having a bestfriend and then losing it, it may took years long to get another bestfriend.
It's Hard. To Have. Someone Worthy. To Be Your Bestfriend.

and so I conclude,
be thankful of what you've had now.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.

I did. I do. Will Always Do.

With these three types of human beings, I don't have to feel so lonesome in any way :)

sorry for the stolen photos, hehe. I guess those are the cutest so I grabbed 'em from your facebook XD

*****

stuck. and die.

2009-11-28T07:19:00.009+07:00

I posted this picture (credit to http://thingsweforgot.com/) because it's raining now. (gilee petirnya men!) and I am ALONE NOW in this houseeee! it scares me a lot.

Nah blog. it's been a long time huh?

happy idul adha pals. (though I know it was extremely late, hehe)
so did you bestow a cow or sheep for your qurban? :)

well I actually didnt know what to write about. I mean, when I first signing in to blogger.com, I dont really had the feel to blogging.
not at all, actually.

I came up with a thought that might be less important than what I really want to share with you in this post. but let's say that this thing is easier to say. 'cos the other one is too, much more complicated I barely hard to say now. BLAH!

nah, the thing is...

I want to delete this blog of mine.

due to my laziness to post my life into an online journal, and due to something; some things which made me feel so..so.... what's the word?? -_______-

see? I myself find a difficulty to say it out loud. correct, to type it easily.

SO, how does it sound?

will I soon delete this pitiful blog,
or keep it just like this?

A Life Without Complains

2009-10-26T16:17:00.015+07:00

Let's have a minute or two, to rethink about the life we've been through, and to have a moment to remember how many times in a day we complain about the glorious life God has give us.

if you think you're unhappy..

Look at them.

if you think your salary is low,

how about her?

when you feel like giving up,

think of this man.

if you think you dont have any friends..

what does he has?

if you complain about your transport system,

how about them?

if your society is unfair to you,

how about her?

if you think you suffer in life,

do you suffer as much as he does?

If you think study is a burden,

how about her?

observe around you and be thankful for all that you have in this transitory lifetime.

We are fortunate, we have much more than what we need to be content.

Let's try not to feed this endless cycle of consumerism and immorality in which this "modern and advanced" society forgets and ignores the other two thirds of our brothers and sisters.

Let us complain less and give more!

* so actually, this is one of an email my friend sent me. I intend not to keep this for myself, read and forgotten in my inbox, so I decided to posted it here, to share what we're supposed to share :)
NB. some photos are edited by me,
source: google and istockphoto.

the thought that come from the dark.

2009-10-05T19:42:00.004+07:00

" Tunjuk satu mimpi
yang akan kau buat jadi nyata.
Buka mata dan hadapi dunia hari ini.
lawan rasa takut satu persatu,
dan pikirkanlah apa pilihanmu " - Pee Wee Gaskins

Apa sih cita-cita kalian?

Dulu, pertanyaan itu seperti sebuah 'ajakan bermain' buatku. 10-12 tahun yg lalu, ketika orang-orang dewasa kerap menanyakan hal tersebut, aku akan dengan mudahnya menjawap "aku mau jadi dokter!" atau, "guru kali ya?" , atau "pramugari!". Pendeknya, beda orang, bakal beda juga jawaban yg aku kasi ke mereka.
Bahkan, dengan polosnya aku pernah bilang ke nyokap kalo aku pengen jadi seorang kasir di swalayan, karna pada saat itu aku baru merhatiin seorang mbak-kasir dan merasa kalo pekerjaan itu terlihat sangat 'wow' dan asik. I'm weird, am I not?

Sekarang, aku 17 tahun. Going to be 18 in a few months ahead. Dan coba ulangi pertanyaan di atas?
" Mau jadi apa kamu nanti, Nak? " nyokap tanya.
Kalo dulu aku gak butuh bahkan stengah menit untuk ngejawap, kali ini, satu bulan aja gak pernah cukup buat tau apa sebenernya cita-cita yang aku impikan.
Menyedihkan.

Well, apa sih cita-cita yg worth it buat seseorang dgn otak yang..yah, barangkali pas-pasan? Yang suka banget nunda-nunda ngerjain tugas? Yang lebih suka males-malesan, tidur, maen psp dan ngenet daripada belajar fisika, kimia, matematika?

Seiring dengan bertambahnya usia, aku sering merenung sendirian (sumpah ini ngomongnya kaya udah jadi nenek-nenek mau mati). Gak ding. Maksudnya, kalo lagi mikirin ttg 'mau jadi apa saya nanti', aku cuma pengen dua hal.

1) aku pengen apa yang aku pelajari dari mulai nol sampai saat ini, berguna bagi orang banyak. Secara langsung, dan bermanfaat. Dimana pemikiran ini mengarah ke salah satu pilihanku untuk menjadi seorang dokter.
Alasannya sederhana, hanya karna aku selama ini memilih Ilmu Alam sbagai fokus = di sekolah, kenapa gak kumanfaatin semua pelajaran yang pernah didapetin itu, untuk diaplikasikan dan dimanfaatkan untuk kepentingan orang banyak? Ini juga mengacu ke kalian semua, yang masing-masing pastinya memilih salah satu dari dua pilihan, ipa dan ips.
Bagi kita yang milih ipa, kenapa gak kita manfaatin sgala macem tetek-bengek ilmu dari fisika, kimia, dan biologi untuk hal-hal berguna di kehidupan ini demi kepentingan umat manusia?
Dokter, fisikawan, ahli bedah, perawat, ahli nuklir, analis kimia, etc-etc, daripada kita 'mengambil' lapangan kerja yang dibutuhkan dan membutuhkan ahli atau pakarnya sendiri, yaitu teman-teman kita yg study-focusnya di bidang sosial?
Atau istilah kerennya sekarang adalah, 'menyebrang'?
Akuntan? Mereka jagonya. Pengacara? Hakim? Ekonom? Psikolog? Kebanyakan mereka-lah ahlinya.
Terlepas dari semua ini, keputusan kalian sendiri, dan tentunya izin dari Yang di Atas-lah yang menentukan semuanya.

Alasan lain, menjadi seorang dokter memang cita-citaku yang 'tetap', dari dulu. Dengan asumsi, kalau aku bener-bener mampu kesana, aku juga pastinya bakalan ngebuat bangga seluruh keluarga. Karna memang itulah yang mereka harapkan.
"Adek jadi dokter aja ya Nak..?"
Kadang kita gak kan bisa mengelak untuk tahu ketika mereka benar-benar sangat mengharapkan sesuatu dari kita. kalian bisa liat itu langsung dari tatapan mereka. Meski mereka juga meyakinkan bahwa, terlepas dari harapan itu, mereka juga akan sangat mendukung kalau kita punya pilihan sendiri. Yah, I've reached the point now.

2) selain dokter, masih ada 5 profesi lain yang jadi pertimbanganku untuk ke depannya. Tapi rasanya akan jadi terlalu berlebihan, dan will be nonsense, kalo kujelasin satu-satu disini.
Yang jelas, profesi-profesi yang jutaan ragamnya di dunia, yang dikelompok-lompokkan maupun tidak, yang diurutkan berdasarkan gajinya, kepentingan, ataupun jumlah peminatnya, itu semua gak akan berguna sama sekali kalo kita tidak benar-benar sepenuh hati mengerjakannya.
Ini mengarah ke, dengan niat tulus ikhlas 100%, apapun itu harus bener-bener bermanfaat.
Jadi apapun aku nanti, aku pengen jadi orang yang bermanfaat bagi semua orang di sekelilingku. Bahwa ketika AKU ada, orang-orang akan merasa lebih baik, senang akan keberadaan kita di dekat mereka.
Bukankah itu tujuan kita yang sebenarnya?
Menjadi orang yang bisa mengurangi beban orang lain.
Karna sebuah kalimat, yang kudenger pertama kali langsung dari mulut nyokapku tercinta : "sebaik-baiknya manusia adalah yang bisa memberikan manfaat kepada orang lain."
:)
Well, Ma, itu yang adek pegang dan kejar dari dulu sampai sekarang. Makasih. :')

Aku (insyaallah) gak akan dan gak mau menganggap sesuatu terlalu jauh atau terlalu tinggi untuk diraih. Karna justru sifat pesimis dan negative judgement dari orang-lah yang membuat kita gak bisa maju.
Bermimpilah setinggi-tingginya, kawan. This world is never big enough for us to stop dreaming.
FKUI? FHUI? UGM? ITB? Atau Harvard barangkali?

Jangan pernah pesimis. Jangan pernah lengah untuk berusaha. Doa terus ke ALLAH YME.
cuman itulah resep kita supaya sukses.

Well, ini semua hanya pemikiran dari seorang Difa. Bukan bermaksud untuk menggurui, tapi ini terlebih untuk ke diri sendiri.
I'm just blabbing out my mind, so, jangan ada yg salah paham ya. :)
Mudah-mudahan post kali ini malah bisa me-motivasi kalian yang membacanya.

* Post ini ditulis karna inspirasi mendadak saat rumah lagi mati lampu, dan cuma ada aku dan adekku di rumah. Sepi dan gelap-gelapan, plus cahaya dari 2 lilin ternyata cukup ampuh buat ngasi inspirasi ya? xp

See you later.
Ngomong-ngomong,
Semangat! XD
(buat diri sendiri, hehe)

and one random pic

2009-10-01T07:55:00.004+07:00

and I, too, with no other reason why, put this picture on my post today.
I think I'm goin crazy. :(

15 random facts

2009-10-01T07:50:00.007+07:00

okay, these are 15 random facts about me :

1. I am 17. and wish to be forever 17. I'm scared of getting older and wish time would stop, or at least slow down.
2. I still love Barbies. everytime I accompany my younger sist to a toystore, I always step into Barbies section and staring at them, amazed.
3. I love to order/drink milk. fresh milk. you'll see it whenever you go out lunch/dinner with me. Milk has it own flavor, which I love.
4. I often fight with my sister and brother. My sist says I'm stingy, my brother said I'm annoying, and I say they both are so bothering.
5. I really am hate backstabber and social climber. they deserve a 'better' place out of this world.
6. procrastinate is my only problem to fight.
7. I hate it when my room got messed up. really.
8. I somehow love to hear rock-songs.
9. Avril Lavigne's rock <3
10. I often dreamt about a crushed-car-accident, dont know why. it scares me a lot.
11. I have been to Makkah once and want to go there as many time as I can.
12. I'm still confused of which faculty I might be in for my further study.
13. The first CD I bought was 'Westlife - Coast to Coast'
14. I always cry everytime I watched 'The Game Plan'
15. Dont you think that Rain is cute? I love his lips.

that's it. I just feel so damn boring right now. could I say it a 'lifeless time'?
I want to adventure this country. I wish time could stop. I dont want this holiday ends. I feel alone. I dont want to be old. what else?? I feel I'm the stupidest person in this world!

family matters

2009-09-22T21:03:00.003+07:00

the time we spent apart
will make our love go stronger..
~ Westlife.

Hah. I already miss mataram! I'm willing to get more days to stay there! *groan*

Ah. One thing we should realize ; things can come and go. bads and goods. far or near. whether you like it or not. but your family, is the one who'll remain by your side no matter who you are or who you'll gonna be.

Even you'll be a thousand miles away from them. Even you'll be an inch nearby them. Even you turned bad. Even you're a stranger-look-alike. They'll keep loving you.
They're just like our mothers. Their love is endless.

So you think this is a cliche, dont you? To my family, it is not. That is exactly my family are.
That's why I'm effing love them. So Much. =)

ied 1430H

2009-09-21T22:08:00.004+07:00

HOLA!
how are you dear people? XD
I am posting this on my way to Purworjo, Central Java. Just an hour ago me and of course my family, arrived at Adi Sucipto Airport, Jogjakarta, and immediately took a cab to my grandmother's place.
Before I continue my story, as I am a Muslim, I would like to say (to those who's also a muslim) :

Minal Aidin wal Faidzin

as the Holy Month of Ramadhan had passed, and we finally got Hari Lebaran yesterday on September 20th. I sincerely begging apologies from all of you (whoever knows me) for anything I've done/said wrong.
I hope we get Magfirah from our Allah SWT. Amen.

As I've told you on my latest post, I eventually celebrated those two days of Ied's in Mataram, where the whole of my mom's family lived there. It wasnt occording to our plan, actually. We thought Hari Raya falls today, sept the 21st, so we (me,my parents and two of my siblings) may celebrate it in two different places, either my Dad's hometown (Purworjo) or Mom's (Mataram).
Occasionally, human planned, God decided. MUI announced Hari Raya falls yesterday. So we spent both the first and second day of Ied at Mataram. In the afternoon, we're leaving for Surabaya next to Jogja, and took a 2-hour-driving to get my grandma's house.

Back then,
I've spent 5 days in Mataram and will going to spend 2 days in Purworejo. So, in the night of sept 23rd I'll be back home at Jakarta.
What I usually do in Mataram was, wandered all over the city. Anddd, visited the whole family (I am willing to draw a family-tree as soon as I get home! Bcause it's too much, really too much names to remember :p). Oh. And also cooking! I'd say this ied is my best ied, ever.

Ps. I spent the whole morning today capturing a lot of Lombok Beaches' views with my cousins. (post it later)

Shortly, Mataram is totally awesome!! XD
The time I landed into Selaparang Airport, there were bunches of tourists too. You must know that Lombok is one of our beloved country's most visited tourist. I mean, it's one of famous tourism place in Indonesia.
Have you been here, Indonesian? Haha!
GO VISIT LOMBOK ISLAND and get an unforgetable holiday there!! XD

I love both its nature and its people.
Family's at the top of the list. xp
After two years passed, I am now realize that HOW I HAD MUCH OF NEPHEWS AND NIECES!!
Really.
And all of the babies are totally grew up. ah, I'm gonna post a pic of my favourite niece. She's totaly cutee~!

Hmmm. I think I talk a lot, aite? I'd love to hear your own attractive story about how you spent this holiday, people. I hope you get a happy one.

Enough for me,
See ya later! :D

before I go,

2009-09-13T06:48:00.006+07:00

Building me a fence,
In other words, i need no one to believe.

random pic :

my hair is now that long :)

***

It has been a week. I am now in my long ~~lasting~~ holiday. Sooowry about ignoring you for a long time, my blog. My sloath was really, really hard to fight. For exceptional, one day I was in dire need of blogging and changing the template (because I’ve been feeling so bored with this current layout). But sadly, I cant even online due to my only problem like I've told you in several posts ago. So, yeah.

In the contrary, I am astonished and proud to say that I’ve been really keen (recently) if it’s related to study, or doing these mountainous homeworks. Because apparently my teachers are so kind, giving her student duties to fulfill even when they’re supposedly free of any kind of subject-loads. If I’m not start to do it from now on, they’ll become such a harrasment for my entire holiday.

Mmm, speaking about universities or colleges or anything related to that stuff, I wont tell you here, because I even being so fastidious about this. Dont ask until I declare it myself, all right? :) the only thing I’m sure about is, I wont take any university which located in the same place with my parent’s house. In other words, I dont want to live in the same house my parents lived, in case of being self-sufficient, and no longer a baby-child, which I know for sure they will let me guarded. No driving-by-myself chance, no this and that. D: thats exactly not what I’m hoping for.

***

It’s 7 days remain until we reach Idul Fitri on September 21st. Cant wait. I will celebrate that special day in Mataram (it’s the capital city of West Nusa Tenggara province –red. please differentiate it from the Mataram Kingdom at Central Java, will you? *hint Sandra* lol)

For a random information, I have ONLY 4 DAYS of not-fasting-day (?). great, eh? :D How about you, dear friends?

Some things had happened lately. On September 2nd, it was..err, Wednesday, if I’m not mistaken. There was an earthquake in Jakarta which the ephycentrum occured in Tasikmalaya. 7.3 Ritcher. One of my sister-look-alike friend, Kak Silvi, lived in Tasik. A few moment after the earthquake had stop, I called her, asking whether she was allright. Hmm. I thought it was the first disaster from our Almighty Allah to remind us in this Ramadhan, aite? I just asked myself why..

5 days after, the second earthquake occured again in Jogja. I didnt know how hard the jolt was, for I was sleeping when the earthquake happened (they say it was midnight). To me, those two earthquake were less-frightening than my first experience of being frantic because of an earthquake. It was in the end of 2007, probably, when I was in Singapore. You could imagine how panic it is when you’re in the 13th storey of an apartment and a sudden rough shaking movement happen to you for quite a long time? D: even you cant think clearly how to do when you were in that hectic. I cant remember other thing which might be worse than that.

Well. Pardon me, I want to do some nature-call stuff. xp

I’m typing this in the early morning after I finished my sahur. :) sooo. It’s time.
Goodbye and enjoy your own holiday friends out there! Punch you later~

for you.

2009-08-30T07:21:00.003+07:00

kadang,
ketika aku tak bisa tidur,
dan kantuk masih belum berkunjung,
aku merenung dalam gelap

kadang,
ketika pikiranku kosong,
dan kemudian berkelana
masuk
ke celah-celah sempit ingatan itu.

aku bertanya

bukankah itu sudah terjadi?

sudah lewat,
berlalu,

mati,

dan terkubur.

Lalu aku berontak.

kepada siapa 'kan kusalahkan tentang ini?

akankah kepada kamu? yang pernah buat aku bahagia,
yang pernah buat aku merasa dibutuhkan,
diperlukan,
untuk hadir dan menjadi bagian dalam hidup kamu yang monoton?
dan ketika kamu bilang aku menjadikannya tidak lagi monoton,
aku semakin sayang
jauh
jauh
dan jauh lebih sayang.

tapi kemudian kamu pergi

diam-diam.
layaknya seorang anak yang pulang malam
takut membangunkan ibunya.

berjingkat jingkat.

dan begitu saja,
pergi. tanpa kata perpisahan,
tanpa peringatan.
membuatku shock.

sampai kemudian harus aku sendiri yang mencarimu

meraba-raba dalam gelap.
dalam ketidaktahuan,
entah karna memang sudah tidak ada lagi lampu yang bisa menerangiku,
atau karna aku sudah menjadi buta?

atau..
karna kamu memang sengaja bersembunyi?
di sudut-sudut paling gelap tak terjangkau
di sudut-sudut paling jauh, jauh sekali
dimana Tuhan pun tidak bisa melihat dimana kamu.

tapi Tuhan tahu, bukan?

aku bodoh, ya?

Lalu
kepada siapa 'kan kusalahkan tentang ini?

apakah diriku sendiri?
yang pernah terseret masuk
terperangkap!
dalam jeratan tali-tali tak karuan yang Tuhan rancang
tali-tali yang dinamakan cinta
tali-tali yang awalnya lega,
tapi kemudian kita buat rapat bersamasama.
semakin rapat,
rapat,
dan rapat.
hingga akhirnya aku dan kamu tidak bisa keluar.
ah, aku salah. hanya aku yang tidak bisa keluar, ya?

***

sampai hembusan nafas yang terakhir kali aku keluarkan barusan,

aku masih bertanya-tanya.

Bagaimana caramu keluar?
bukankah kita sama sama terperangkap?
bukankah dulu
kita pernah sama-sama berusaha mencabik-cabik tali itu
untuk keluar?

yang kuketahui belakangan,
ternyata kamu curang.

pisaumu kamu asah diam-diam
terus kamu asah
tanpa sepengetahuanku.
menjadikannya cukup tajam,
cukup, dan menjadi sangat, sangat tajam,
untuk bisa putuskan tali dan keluar sendirian.

sendirian!

dan biarkan aku tetap berkutat,
mencari celah.

celah dari bagian yang kamu tinggalkan.

dari sana aku lihat,
kamu terus berjalan lurus
terus tinggalkan aku
aku yang masih sibuk mencari cara,
untuk mencari pisauku sendiri
dan mengasahnya lebih tajam dari pisaumu!

tapi kemudian aku bebas.
aku sudah bebas
entah bagaimana aku bebas.
mungkin karna aku baru menyadari
pisaumu tertinggal,
dekat denganku. sampai sampai aku bisa merasakannya mengikis halus hatiku
terus,
dan terus mengikis tanpa aku sadari

mungkin karna itu sekarang aku kebal?

***

hari ini aku dengar seseorang bernyanyi untukku.
'kamu' yang baru,
yang baik,
yang tampan.

kamu bilang,
" kalau kamu sudah bebas, katakan padaku. kita akan berkelana jauh ke tempat-tempat yang tidak pernah kita tahu sebelumnya. jauh lebih bebas dari sebelumnya, yang aku yakin tidak pernah kamu rasakan sebelumnya "

oh, aku sudah lama bebas.
hanya saja celah sempit itu masih ada.
kamu tau, seperti celah celah sempit pada retakan tanah kering..

aku ingin sekali melewatinya.

dan selama aku masih punya kesempatan untuk bernafas lagi setiap harinya,
aku akan berjuang mengubur celah-celah sempit itu
barangkali menguburnya dengan tanah, sehingga rata dengan permukaan yang lain?

atau membangun sesuatu diatasnya, hingga celah itu tak terlihat?

atau..

aku perlu teroris? untuk meledakkan bomnya di celah sempit itu, biar saja sekalian hancur!
cukup hancur dan besar sampai terbentuk danau indah dengan mermaid di dalamnya.
menjadikannya oasis,
bagi aku, dia, dan orang-orang tersayang-ku yang butuh air ketika haus.

apapun yang terbaik untuk itu,
aku sama sekali tidak keberatan.

dan ketika hari itu datang,
aku akan berlari menyongsongmu,

berlari ke kamu yang menungguku di ujung sana,
selalu menungguku tanpa bosan
dengan tangan terentang
siap memelukku dan membawaku pergi
pergi,
dan datang menyambut kebahagiaan akhir yang tak kan pernah berakhir.
:)

untuk kamu yang aku sayang. Mr.XOXO :)

summary of august :p

2009-08-19T21:21:00.007+07:00

Ehem ehem, lama tak bersua yah blog.

Just feel to blogging with Bahasa :)

Banyak kejadian ‘berkesan’ nih slama kurang lebih 2 minggu ini...
Want to know the story guys??? *alah!

Yap yap, sperti yang telah anda ketahui *lirik Sandra and Fifi :p* Dela dateng tanggal 14 hari jumat kmaren. Jam 8 lebih dikit dia maen ke rumahku dannnn BAWA KOPER! Ahahaha yess nginep juga ni org! :D

Trus jalan2 hari itu.. ke puri mall. Kita nonton UP. And my sial part was, THE LOST OF MY LOYAL NOKIA 7610 yang sudah menemaniku sejak 15 september 2007! *sampe inget detailnya gitu kann..huhuhuhiks!* oh hapeku..di tangan siapa engkau berada sekarang??? Mudah2an orang yang mencuri dan mengambilmu mendapat balasan dari Tuhan Yang Maha Melihat dan Maha Adil, AMIN! *darahdikepala*
Feel a bit weird ga lagi megang tu hp from that day. Tpi udah nasip kali yah..
Sebelumnya ga ada feeling klo bakal ilang *brasa itu orang aja*, tapi ada ‘tanda’.

Maksudnya adalah...
Bgini, selama beberapa hari sebelum kjadian hp ilang itu, gw lebih feel untuk bawa tu hp ke sekolah instead of SE w880i gw yang satu lagi. trus klo malem ato hari2 biasa lainnya pas gw lagi ga ngapa2in, gw sering banget megang2 and ngetik2 pke hp itu (meski ga jelas tuh nulis apaan. Yg penting ngetik!) daaannnn yang gw seselin adalah : gw sempet ganti tuh memory cardnya ke yang 256 MB ! which is full of my old, memorable photos and songs and smses and notes from year 2005-2008!!!! Arghh. Juga CONTACTSnya! Contact yang terlengkap kan ada disitu smua! Dari temen2 sejak SD sampe SMA baik di indo maupun di singapur, smua disana gw simpennya. Ahh pengen nabok2 deh rasanya klo ngebayangin tu hape skrg lagi diutak atik sama si maling! @&(#&)*%!$#!@!4&*!!

Padahal itu hape udah gw ganti sim cardnya ama nomer 3. baru diisiin pulsa pula right after a moment gw ganti! Udah planning sama dela kalo abis slese nonton qta mau telpon fifi di sing. (kan murah tuh klo pke 3 --> promosiii) so we feel like we’re in a reunion. tapinyaaa.. :C

So, i was like a strikaan yang bolak balik ke bioskop (which i think i lost my hp there) dan ke salah satu toko accesoris (tempat dela and me beli kalung kembar, and jepitan and girls stuffs lainnya). Lapor ke security nya sampe masuk lagi ke biskopnya buat nyari. Tapi nihil. Haaah sedih sedih! Pas nelpon nyokap, responnya cuma “ohh. Emang ilangnya dimana? Masi untung deh bukan anak mama yang ilang!” -.-“ padahal udah siapsiap pembelaan klo tar diomelin, e taunya cuma bgitu doang. Ga seru ih mama.

masih bisa senyum walau hp udah ilang.
When i told Rani this, dia bilang : yauda gapapa, iklasin aja, relain aja. itu artinya emang harus diapus kenangannya.
Sigh. Makasi Rani. Saran yang membantu sekali :/

Hikmah yang bisa diambil : emang harus ikhlas sihh.. masih untung keilangan hp doang, lagian gw masih punya satu lagi. dibanding keilangan sahabat?? :(

Nah, forget my sial-story-section.

Upacara 17an kemaren adalah upacara yang “ga banget” yang pernah gw hadirin! Awalnya sih oke ya.. Tertib gitu, paskipnya juga lancar2 aja, nothing wrong. (ahhh jadi pengen lagiii paskib-an di KBRI..) tapinya pas udah mau slese gitu, pada ricuh. Gara2nya yang ngomong tuh si bapak wakil kesiswaan kita yang superdupernyebeliiin itu sih! Jadi anak2 were like, disrespect to him. Klo disrespectnya sih gw maklum ya, tapi ini pas 17an gitu looh. Please deh! At least respect dong ke bendera yang baru dinaikin noh ke atas tiang! Ini kan peringatan kemerdekaan republik indonesia kita tercintaaa. Respect to our pahlawan!! (ko brasa Mr.itu tuuhhh..native speaker qta di SIS..abis Mr.David. siapa namanya del, fi, san? Inget ga?? Yang tiap ari ngomongiinya ‘respeeeeeeeeccct’ mulu :p) hihi

paskibra 2006. yang paling kerennn~ hahaha

paskib 2007; my last

Hari ini, hari terakhir belajar sbelum puasa, dan sebelum UHB 1 yang bakalan mulai senin besok. 24 aug. Wish me luck yah teman2ku sayang... (gw dapet urutan duduk paling depan, nempel ama meja pengawas. Bagusss.) and i will wish you back. Haha. Chayo xii ipa! Moga sukses ujian dan hasilnya! Amin~

And, nonton The Proposal sama Rani. Bagus filmnyaaa. A bit likely to ‘Devil Wears Prada’ siih. Ada bos yang ditakutin gitu.pas dateng karyawannya harus pada siap. Tapi bedanya disini, ga ada Anna Hathaway yang struggle in pertahanin jobnya, tapi si cowok, Andrew (Ryan Reynolds), si asisten editor yang malang, harus deal dikontrak kawin sama bossnya si Margareth (Sandra Bullock) dengan alasan supaya si Margareth ini ga di-deported to other country sama managernya. self-centered typical.

ooke, mungkin bakalan lama lagi ga update.
so, yg ga terlupa, gw mau minta maaf. Buat smuaaaanya deh yang baca ini. Maafin diph yaah atas ksalahan slama iniii. Mohon gituh dimaapin, biar puasanya diterima sm Allah swt, afdol muafdol x)

Jangan ada dendam yang disimpan. Puasa2 hatinya harus suci =)

Met puasa semuanya!

your misunderstanding

2009-08-10T19:50:00.003+07:00

it wasnt about who's giving or received apology! No, not anymore.
the case turned different now.
i'm not mad. and i'm sure you're not either. it's just that i really didnt want things happen repeatedly.
But in this last one week, i feel awkward, strange enough if i made a move to forgive and continue to be friend with you. if you feel like you're invicible to me (as i really did to you), it's bcause i dont have any reasons why to kept us as a bestfriend like we are a couple weeks ago.
as long as you keep follow your selfishness to be apart with your bestfriends (especially us), i really dont mind if we'll never talk anymore. even just a single 'hi' or a a slightly smile. if your love is the only thing that's matter. well, it's in your-only-world! what's so good to pretend yourself and changed yourself into somebody else?
You tried to take care of her heart, wont let it hurt, miserable. i knew it, we knew it. for like a thousand times, we knew.

it's just YOU who didnt know anything about us! know nothing about our feeling!! get it??
you called us bestfriends? you did??!

enough.

for anyone who's reading this and you know which friend i blabbed about on this post, please dont get me wrong or i have to tell you this : no doubt that i am jealous. yes i really am. but this is not because i WANT him. i love him as my bestfriend, the same love i feel to my other bestfriends.
from the beginning, before that thing happens, i'm happy for him whenever he's happy bcause of his gf. i'm sad for him whenever he gets trouble with his gf. it wasnt just me; us. the four of us.
i just hate it, really really hate it when he changed and make it utterly different from what we've been through these past 1,5 years.
during this time, all he just do is keeping his mouth shut in front of us,
care nothing for his 'lovely bestfriends' , or so he say.
well, if he mean that to be the exact way to serve me right, i cant say nothing but sorry..

i'm just saying this as what they're saying..as what they feel about..and of course, as what my deepest heart says...

i hope -just a hope- he would read this and could understand..

old times

2009-08-10T18:03:00.001+07:00

" do you remember when we had the musicians up in the rigging playing flutes so that it sounded like a music out of the sky? "

well i just remember mine..

me and my friends named onis, nanda, lia, wawan, dea, biondi, altogether when we were 7. or probably 8.

we used to play on the park of unfinished-house in my neighbourhood.
hide and seek. catch-&-run. marbles. cherries. climbing the trees. barbies and their houses. of course the flutes! Ibu Kita Kartini, first song i played with my white, Yamaha flute. xp
all and all.

i wish,
i wish,
for like a hundred times in my prays,
i wish i could meet them again,
Someday
somewhere
in God's unexpected plan.
Amen.

invictus

2009-08-02T19:34:00.006+07:00

have you ever heard about this famous poetry which was written by Wiiliam Ernest Henley in 1875? google it, fellas :)
I started to love this poet, eventually.
rich words.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, I’m unafraid.

It doesnt matter how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.

Background
At the age of 12, Henley became a victim of tuberculosis of the bone. A few years later, the disease progressed to his foot, and physicians announced that the only way to save his life was to amputate directly below the knee. It was amputated at the age of 25. In 1867, he successfully passed the Oxford local examination as a senior student. In 1875, he wrote the "Invictus" poem from a hospital bed. Despite his disability, he survived with one foot intact and led an active life until his death at the age of 53.

flashback

2009-08-02T19:18:00.003+07:00

the indonesian children performed Saman Dance at Botanical Garden Singapore. this pic was taken when i was 15. taken by fifi's brother, edited by fifi :)

how i miss singapore........ x(

it's good, btw, to know that my BF Dela will come here soon at Jakarta on August 14th. :)
i wish fifi were here, too. let makes the whole tubbies reunited! x(

things arent going good ; mybestfriend's gone, sick of this unusual humid-air, amie, my chip-phone was out of order!!! (so let me announce you people for contact me at the other number, the XL one), amie et amie!!

that, is why i put that poet above (i google it, fyi. thats not mine :p)

***

i had questions
which always buzzing all the time in my mind for these current days.

was it wrong to let your friend dumped bcause he/she doesnt want to make you feel guilty if their love-one feel way-too-jealous??
was it wrong, if we just having a friend, a trusted one, who's much more closer to you rather than to his/her own date?
was it really matter, if you just SACRIFICE YOURSELF, when you've got no other way to escape besides to END YOUR FRIENDSHIP??

bombs of terror

2009-07-18T13:41:00.001+07:00

as we've heard/read repetitively on tv or radio or newspaper or directly from people around, 2 bombs were exploded in two different hotels in the South of Jakarta yesterday morning.

The news which i got from the sms my friend sent to me (who was absent that day), made me shocked and astounded.

the question is, what aim does the terrorist reach for?

and, which particular person they get to suspected and convicted soon??

. . .

Hence, you might take care of yourself. May God always bless us, amin.

-- turut berduka cita atas korban2 bom JW Marriot & Ritz Carlton Hotel --

senior review

2009-07-16T20:32:00.000+07:00

hey.
i've once told Sansan :3 that i'm gonna blogging very rarely from now on. You know the reason. i am now in my last year of high-school, and due to that, i must give my whole mind and soul and time to study, seriously. And right now i'm just give myself a break to fulfil my need to blogging. How riddiculous. the truth that i'm missing doing something trifle like this. 'write in blog', eh?

Jump into another facts,

Being a senior is quite, hm, tough, and unbelieveable, as i realized. And really, it is.
Tough, because for almost a week of being a senior-student in high school, i've been given a LOTS of homeworks from the first day of school. this isnt lying. My new Bahasa teacher, Mr.Amir (if i'm not mistaken, i think that's the name. xp) give us homework on monday.
also my new math teacher, Mr.Zaidin, give us 12 questions of integral on tuesday. and chemistry, 8questions of colligative-solution in the same day. So and so on~

this stuff was even more harder than what i've expected before. without this moving-class system which already operated from this year, i've been tired enough. i havent accustomed yet with my new class (xii ipa 2) and the whole new-friends in it. Though it was just 4days passed... *o*

Unbelieveable, bcause whenever i walked along the school's corridor and pass by the juniors, i was like to think : " jeez, i'm the oldest of them. i'm the senior and they're just the juniors! " xp
Wohoo~

and as for that, i also realized for approximately 1 year ahead, i'll be a student of a college! Amin. to make it real, i'm going to continue my study now. hehe.

So i'll kick you later kay? See ya.

song #2

2009-07-16T15:49:00.001+07:00

Dreaming ,

i am only dreaming
of another place and time
where my family's from.

Singing ,

i can hear them singing
when the rain had washed away
all these scattered dreams.

Dying ,

everyone's reminded
hearts washed in misery
drenched in gasoline.

Laughter ,

there is no more laughter
songs of yesterday
now live in the underground.

Before The Lobotomy , by (the greatest band i've ever knew) : greenday.

song #1

2009-07-16T15:36:00.003+07:00

sing us a song of the century
that's louder than bombs
and eternity.
the era of static and contraband
That's leading us to the promised land.

Tell us a story that's by candlelight,
waging a war and losing the fight.

they're playing the song of the century
of panic and promise and prosperity

Tell me a story into that goodnight . .

. . . sing us a song for me . . .

song of the century , by (the greatest band i've ever knew) : greenday.

My vacation at Jogja with Geciencho and Apatize 2008/2009

2009-07-07T12:34:00.019+07:00

Read well,
i'm ready to
tell
about the story
of my unforgetable holiday ever

PS, click the image for the larger one :)

June 29th, 2009

12 pm : habis dari SD al-alazar Kembangan JakBar ngurus pindah-skolahnya Dinda, gw langsung menuju ke SMA 63 Jaksel dianter abang supir, Bang Amin, mama, and Dinda.
12.30 pm : pada kumpul di lapangan, pengarahan dan absen sgala macem.
1 pm : dari skul, jalan kaki sambil nyeret2 koper ke mesjid yang letaknya kirakira 30meter dari skul, karna bus yang bakal kita pake parkirnya disitu.
2 pm : bus mulai gerak ninggalin lapangan parkir mesjid.

akhirnya, perjalanan nya dimulai.

degdeg-an, nervous, tapi happy dan pastinya EXCITING!
degdeg-an karna gw mikir "kemungkinan" yang ada dari perjalanan jauh naik bus nglewatin tebing-tebing curam (baca: kecelakaan)

tapi alhamdulillah, as you can see, gw tetep disini mencritakan perjalanannya. :)

duduk pertamatama sama Evi di bus, snack-snack langsung dibuka padahal baru juga berangkat. Banyak yg langsung tidur, kbanyakan diem kcapean.
menjelang jam 4an (kita udah nyampe Bandung), anak2 mulai rusuh. mini TV dinyalain, karaokean, maen UNO, vto2, pd jalan2 n pindah2 tempat duduk.

malemnya, gw ga bisa tidur. ga tau apa karna saking exciting apa gimana, tetepp aja ampe jam 3 ga tidur2 juga. padahal di sebelah gw, si Hashfi palanya udah kyk lampu sen, goyang kiri kanan karna tidur lelap banget.
uuhh.

June 30th, 2009

03.40 am : dari speaker, tour guide nya bilang klo kita udah nyampe daerah Parangtritis, Jogja, dan bakal brenti di Restoran Rajapolah buat mandi, shalat, sarapan, dan persiapan ke UGM.

8-12 am : nyampe di UGM (ga lebih luas daripada UI dan IPB ternyata). masuk ke fakultas MIPA, dapet ceramah gitu dari Dekannya. ga ding. pokonya penjelasan ttg fakultas MIPA dan seputar UGM (disinilah kantuk menyerang sebagian besar anak2 IPA SMAN 63 Jakarta! hahaha malu2in)

taken by me
dpan bangunan utama. taken by Dekan-bertampang-galak XP

2 pm : having lunch at Depok Beach, tempat yang terkenal ma ikan-bakarnya yang sumpah-enak-banget! you should try it somehow!
abis itu pada main air di pantainya.

M. Hashfi Deschriansyah, please deh -,-

4.30 pm : sampe di Hotel. dapet kamar tipe pen-house. ada 3 kamar dan gw sendiri sekamar ber6 ma Rizqa, Via, Margareth, Evi, Mega.

6.30 pm : habis mandi, makan, solat, dll, gw diajak jalan sm Kazu (san, dia baik banget yah) sama rombongan temen2nya yang bawa motor 7 biji! xp
akhirnya gw ber6 ma temen2 (evi risca via herni suci etha) boncengan ma mreka2 jalan keliling kota Jogja!
pertama ke Malioboro, shopping sampe jam 10 malem, trus ke tempat Bakpia, trus jam 11.30 ke Tugu foto-foto (kata Kazu klo belum vto di Tugu namanya bukan ke Jogja! xp)

taken by kazu :)

July 1st, 2009

around 11 am : Keraton Jogjakarta.
4.30 pm : arrived at Borobudur Temple.

pamer tangan keren XD

ada insiden sandal-hotel nya Hashfi robek gara2 gw injek. HAHAHHAHAHA & 1 fact that you should know ; SEMUA ORG PADA LIAT! sumpah malu abis. (dianya :p)
akhirnya kita balik lagi keluar Borobudur, gw beliin sandal yg harganya Rp.20k (ngrasa bertanggung jawap :p)

6.30 pm : perjalanan ke Wonosobo, Dieng yang makan waktu 2 jam stengah kalo ga salah. Untungnya pembagian kamar saat itu ga makan waktu lama ky pas di Jogja.
sekamar lagi sama temen2 yang sama. Malemnya, ga tidur langsung, tapi ngerusuh-ria maen UNO sampe muka coreng2 dikasi bedak (buat yang kalah)

July 2nd, 2009

INI HARI YANG PALING SERUUUU! :D

Pagi jam 6, kita udah siap buat berangkat ke Dataran Tinggi Dieng, naik mobil micro (smacem angkot tapi model mini bus) slama kurang lebih 2 jam. Tujuan pertama adalah ke Candi Gatotkaca, salah satu dari empat candi dewa yang dibangun pada masa kerajaan Hindu di daerah itu.
slama perjalanan, kalian pasti bakal bilang 'subhanallah' terus2an! sumpah deh, pemandangannya kereen. ga main2, gunung2nya itu loh!
kalo ditempat2 lain kan biasa ya, ada gunung plus sawah dibawahnya. tapi yg ini nih bedaa! lebih artistik gitu. (ga hiper, kalian buktiin aja xp)
gw sempet takut pas ngelewatin jembatan dari kayu jati, yang lebarnya itu cuma muat buat satu mobil, dan ga ada pager pembatas sama sekali! sebelum ngelewatin, gw mikir, "ah biasa, insyaallah ga knapa napalah". ehhh, pas udah jalan, tereak! gila itu udah kaya kita naek mobil di rel kereta api. "kretek kretek kretek", mobilnya goyang2 slama jalan di atas jembatan itu. MENYERAMKAN!

Pas nyampe di atas, (suhunya 20 derajat kali yaa? dingin banget deh!), kita turun dan jalan kaki masuk ke daerah persawahan gitu, baru deh kliatan candi2nya.
Baru setelah itu, kita lanjut jalan kaki. Belum seberapa jauh, kawah Dieng mulai keliatan. Akhirnya mendaki dikit, nyampe. Bau belerangnya ga nahannn masyaallah!

model : Rista xp
taken by : via (credits!)

Lanjut, naik mobil micro lagi slama 20menitan, nyampe di Telaga Warna.
Pmandangannya MANTEP!!!!!!!!! keren!

NB: ini pure tanpa sentuhan potoshop. asli keren kan? :)

oke, abis dari sana, kita dijemput lagi sama Bus yang biasa. Karna kita kali ini bakal ngelanjutin perjalanan pulang.. ngelewatin daerah Jatijajar, trus nyampe di Kebumen, disana kita ke tempat wisata terakhir, Goa Jatijajar.
Hmm, apa ya. ga terlalu berkesan. goa nya ya yg gitu2 aja. (mungkin karna gw pernah ke goa lain yang jauh lebih "wah" daripada ini)
stalaktit-stalakmit nya ga terlalu banyak (serius!).

July 3rd, 2009

bermalem di bus, akhirnya jam 4.30 pagi kita nyampe di Jakarta lagi. kali ini turunnya di univ.BL
Hmmm. enak, langsung deket rumah. :D

Berakhir deh perjalanannya.... T^T

Ps. gak terasa udah masuk bulan Juli. pertengahan bulan nanti, qta jadi murid kelas XII. kelas ujian lagi, men! sounds spooky?

updates!

2009-07-06T06:11:00.004+07:00

hey buddies, how long has it been, since the last time i update this web?
Well, it's either bcause i have no need and mood to write a post, or because i have no idea to keep posting anymore. sorry.

Hmmm.
i'd been pretty much tired these late 3days.
after my trip to jogja last Monday (which the story will be posted here soon if i get the internet connection -- i'm still using my m3 gprs on my mobile phone right now), i still had to do some quite tiring journey around jakarta's shopping-centers with my cousin, who was came by here for days 'til wednesday. Like yesterday, i went to Senen, a market with less-prices on its products, bought 2 books of Chemistry and Maths for my XII grade, while my cousin bought a bundle of dresses and shirts and bras in Atrium :P

To make it worse, we off down there by trans jakarta aka busway. And, blame the miss.fortune, we had oh-jeesh-trouble when we wanted to go home!
Plus, tired of being waiting for a very-long-queue at Juanda and Harmoni !! (Those, are the name of the busway's halte), and STANDING STILL in the bus because there were no empty chair to broke this leg down.
Like hell !! i'm so tired!

but after all, (just dont get me wrong),
i'm pretty much happy to do these kind of stuffs. Yaah,, all the happy things came with difficulties and tiredness(?) at first, am i right?

i'm definitely glad having my brother and a cousin back here in my holiday. You wont hear any silence anymore from my house. laughters are everywhere. Craziness has influenze me.

And those bestfriends, of course. Along our Jogja trip. and will be along the rest of this holiday.
I thank Allah SWT for giving me them. and precious experiences which i wont ever forget in my lifetime :) i love u.

Okay, enough. It's almost 6 am and i need to get ready for a swim! Hehe.

Well i wish you all get your own great stuffs, buddies! See ya!

after a long time

2009-06-27T07:27:00.007+07:00

ohayo gozaimasu, everyone!

i got a chance to use the internet again this morning, while my papa mama and dinda are going to Tasik just now :p

i'm not going to write much so i think i'm just gonna put some pictures of what i did these days. because actually pictures can show it better than words.

June 25rd :

as my pretty BF named Sansan aka Sandra said in her blog, we met at FX plaza, Senayan, also with Philip and San's brother Alin. we watched Transformers (which is cooooooooooll ^^~)

June 26th :

REPORT BOOK.
i'd say... MERCI BEACOUP, MY ALMIGHTY ALLAH SWT :)
cant say anymore. i'm quite satisfied. does it clear? hehe

excuse me,

2009-06-22T06:43:00.003+07:00

you might say i'm being such a drama queen today, whatever.

you might say i'm a mean person, go on.
(i'd forgot the whole pain about it and now that girl reminds it back to me. what do you expect me to do/feel? stay cool and calm and pretends it never happenned?)

hey, i can do both good and evil things. so, jgn heran.

& since i have my own private blog and no one but my trusted friends could read this all, i dare to say whatever i want to say in whatever mood i am currently in without even " hurting the one who hurts me " !! -.-*

i'm really burning of wrath since this last 4 hours and really need a fakeless friend right now just to make me feel a bit better than what i'm feeling right this second.

in this case, i meant it's our togetherness, friends.

my evil side

2009-06-22T06:19:00.001+07:00

Kata tmen2 gw dsini : " loh kok kyk penjual jamu gt sih Dif ?? "
" ya ampun gw pikir tadi itu pembantunya ! "

Kata philip : " ya iyalah Dif mendingan elo dmana mana!! "
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !

okay, i've erased it. ckck.

i'm on way to UI,

2009-06-21T06:44:00.002+07:00

to attend 'Examination for Japanese University' or so called EJU, which i blabbed about several days ago to some of you.

Sugoku kinchou shite iru !!!!

i'm going with 4 of my classmates by dad's car now,
and i feel like i want to pee and my stomach is always aching all along way.
i'm nervous, really.
wish me a great luck please..

21st night?

2009-06-17T11:20:00.006+07:00

some random photos part II.
note: i'm not their fan or likewise.

*these pics were taken long ago on october 2008*

brasa gua yang artis :P

me and.....? (lupa namanya :p)

Kiddooooo!

gorgeous, isnt he?

nah, i finally filled in the tagboard-box. now you can see what i mean, box post-an nya jadi lebih ke kanan-bawah. Y_Y
fi, san, do me a favor please? gimana cara benerinnya yah?

some random photos

2009-06-17T09:49:00.006+07:00

yesterday's futsal match.

my dedeq forgot to bring his sport's uniform. so there he is. * goal keeper *

carol took this -paparazi- while we had that final-examination.
(tampang-kuh ternyata seperti ini ya kalo lagi noleh.. ckck)

a poem from my best buddy in the world.

2009-06-16T17:14:00.003+07:00

aku belajar diam
dari banyak bicara,

aku belajar sabar
dari sbuah kemarahan,

aku belajar mengalah
dari keegoisanku,

aku belajar menangis dari kebahagiaan,
&

mungkin yg paling aku sadari adalah

aku belajar tegar dari kehilangan....

this poem was written by Hashfi. for me.
when i asked him what's his purpose for this thing ; " supaya difdif g takut pacaran lg! "

and my respond is? " Meh! i'm happy of being single. "

for you to know, itu sungguh-sungguh :)

Ps. Oke, judul dr post ini emang berlebihan. XP

bad, bad dream

2009-06-14T08:09:00.006+07:00

i'm just having a really bad dream ever!

this dream took place in an americanhouse-look, somewhere in Singapore. (you know, a house we usually sees on an america-movie, or Nanny 911, which has a american-households such as a kitchen-table on the center of its room, a cozy bedroom covered by carpet on the floor and the lights of yellow-lamps, and a glass-door at the back? something like that)
there're just 3 people live in that house; my parent and i.
Someday, when everything seemed just like my daily-life in singapore in the past: my dad goes to his work by car, my mom stays home, etc. only one thing that's changed. in that dream, i was a college-student.
in one afternoon, while i had a lunch with a friend i didnt even know or remember, (and you should know, this 'cafe' was completely resembled canteen in High School Musical - movie! XD)

Unpredictable, i saw my mom and her friend were also there at the cafe. her seat was nearby me, but she seemed like she didnt know. so i just keep silence and didnt greet her anything.
by the next minutes, i overheard her cry. and i suddenly feels like i have to hide from her sight. or she might be embarrased bcause i was overheard -- and oversaw her cried.
After some quite moment, i heard her telling a story to her friend - oh! Get it, i remember! this friend was Mrs.Nining, Dela's mother. (Del, if you read this, please, dont tell your mom xp)
okay, so, i heard my mom telling that my dad is being dishonest (baca : selingkuh) with his colleague. and so and so which i cant explain you furthermore.
so i feel totally shocked and being like 'i dont want to believe what my ears had heard' and i ran off to my dad's work to ask him whether the story is right or wrong.

This is the thing i want to tell you.
i've been delirious with this furious-to-dad scene.
and at that time, (it was at 4am-something) my dad was outside my room, prepared to pray (shalat subuh) !!! and i mean, he hadnt pray, yet, while i'm barking on my dream.
oh.my.godness

even though i've forgot what i've said on my delirioucity, i still remember that all of that said were totally rude, scornful, and full of curses.

it impact me so. i still in my room now, avoid to get up and out to see my dad. pity me. D:

Another topic i want to share,
i must admit that this was such a hard-week for me, and my closefriends (hashfi,evi,carolus).
we've been separated and, you can say it a fight bcause of the boys' problem. it was all started from June 8th. when Carol get himself mad because of that jealous-feeling he felt to Hashfi, who texted Carol's girlfriend with an...intimate way. Which drove Carol nuts and made snide remarks to Hashfi. and the worst case was, Hashfi also spit him several cruel-words.
me, and Evi just cant stand it out. we're all known each other well so we both think, " hah?? is this problem worth enough to be fighting for? and makes our friendship splits up? "
it seemed like we were devided into two sides. me, who defend Hashfi while Evi defend Carol. it isnt true, though. it was just Carol who thougt we might be their defender (blah! but seriously, he did) and thinks that i was his opposite defender. oh so childish.
it drives me seriously mad at him, in the end.

And when finally Carol and Hashfi finished their quarrel 3 days after that, it remained me who still mad and dont even want to stare nor talk to Carol for a couple of days.

i'm not going that selfish if he didnt say what he had said to me!

i read an sms which he sent to Evi sometime at school, while we had a classmeet and had nothing worth to do.
in his sms, he said that i'm being as if i knew all of the problem between him and Hashfi, and as if i knew what he felt with this kind of situation. (which i think it's bcause i adviced him not to do that again to hashfi, etc)
Also, he said that i'm childish of being absent from school on Thursday (june 11) which he highly believe that it's bcause i was running away or something, of this problem.

Nah, who's being really childish now??
-_-*

in the end, on Friday 12th, Carol surprised me by visited me in my house (we unpredictably met halfway on my way back from a cafe)
and he said he want to apologize. sweet. :)

Hmm. i cant wait for our Jogja trip soon on june 29th. Must be nice.

and to realize of the fact that maybe we're gonna be separated on the next year in highschool 3, makes me utterly sad....

hey,

2009-06-09T14:55:00.009+07:00

kapan ngumpul lagi? kapan jalan bareng lagi?

huuaah!

2009-06-09T09:45:00.000+07:00

when they told me a joke which i cant accept, do i really need to be angry? if i do so, it turns out that they will even more making fun of me.

(dedicated to hashfi and andika O_o)

the song which is currently playing over & over on my psp : i wanna - all american rejects

i'm full of happiness

2009-06-08T21:57:00.012+07:00

heyyyaaaaaaa!
do you miss me pals??? ahahahahah

finally, final-examination has passed.
such a hard time, y'all know..
i always woke up at the early morning for study, work hard, pray hard.
and what i get for the feedback? (ah, sounded weird? D:)

a super duper low point for...like a thousand times before; PHYSIC.
T_____T
it was the low-est point from all of those 11 subjects.

the highest? okay, english. and i'm not proud of it.

APART FROM ALL OF THOSE DIFFICULTIES THAT CAME ALONG MY LIFE LATELY,
i'd love to tell you all that
last saturday, i went downtown to Monas with 5 of my bestfriends by motorcycle.
cihuyyyy! serruuu!

spent the whole night with your lovely friends and enjoyed the night view of Jakarta, exciting, isn't it?

bukan karna ga pernah ngeliat jakarta malem kaya' apa, (itumah sering banget ama ortu) tapi karna skalinya ini nyokap-bokap ngebolehin daku jalan keliling jakarta malem-malem alias malem mingguan sama tmen-tmen yang kebanyakan cowok smua!
Btw, mereka semua kerumah aku dulu loh! minta izin ma nyokap-bokap :)

we didnt planed to go to Monas, though. it was just because we didnt know where else to go after we arrived Plaza Senayan.
and when we already reach Sudirman, Shemi yelled, "oi, ke Monas aja!"

and so, narcism take its part.

carol, diph, hashfi

i was capturing an image of the 3 of them,

while carol also captured my 'style' on the ground xp

oh ya. for tubbies : i had a trouble within put those cbox html-code into my blog layout. when i tried to set it up, the layout became messed up. maybe i wont put it for a few days ahead. need to find out and fix it first. :0

to fifi : i'm still alive, say. sorry i didnt reply your sms..
to sandra : i'm already joined LJ, mam! :D
to dela : gudluck for your UAS, besties. ganbatte!

y'all know that i miss you all so muchooo!

third day

2009-06-03T03:51:00.000+07:00

Good-early-morning, everyone! XD
i'm on my 3rd-day of this final examination.

i've been already woke up since 2. chemistry today.
and i totally havent study yet for history. huhuhuh.. succumbed.

6 "laps" to go. xp
wish me a goodluck for today! see ya~

i do not hook up - k.clarkson

final examination

2009-06-02T14:06:00.003+07:00

i cant help myself for skip blogging, so here i am again. =)

Hari ini hari UAS ke-2.
Asiiikkk abis!! haha!
baru skali ini gw bner" jd murid badung yg mostly i got all of the answer by cheating! mwahahahaha~

Biarlah. ini namanya menikmati masa muda, men! mnikmati indahnya SMA. hehe

Alasan knapa gw nyontek, kerja sama, dll adalah bkn karna gw ga blajar.. (hey! i woke up everyday at 3 or 4 am just for study!) tp lebih karna gw....PENGEN.
slama ini d ulgn" sblmny, baik ulhar atw ujian mid atw UB-UB lainny, gw tuh diem, ga brani nanya".. Yaa karna faktor skitar jg kali ya. XP
slama ini sbelah kiri-kanan gw pasti barisan anak" kelas 3, yg notabene ngaruh utk ngbuat adek" kelasny jd lbih 'kalem'.

Nah, sekarang.. secara anak" kls 3 kan udah pd libur tuh, jadiii..sekarang kita bareng anak" kelas 1!

Untungnya lg, ga da pemisah angkatan per baris! Enak bgt ga tuh?

kiri kanan - depan blakang - tenggara - barat laut - timur laut ya tmen" skelas jg!!
urutan absen qta jg menguntungkan. kiri gw ada si Hashfi. kanan gw ada Carol. tiga sahabat 1 baris!!

ASLI PEWE BANGET!
^^~

Meja kita jg jarakny ga smpe 3 ubin.. ya udah deh, kerjasama abis"an. hehehe..

→ the funniest thing today is, kertas soalny hashfi robek ktika dya mau tukeran jawaban sm tmn gw! Bahahahaha.. Lagian ngelempar kertasny ga jitu siih.. xp
trus kertasny kan nyangkut gt d kaki meja. dia nyoba ngambil pke kaki... eh, sret! robek...
Guru pngawasnya untung aja ga notice. Padahal kita" yg dbaris blakang pd heboh nyumpel mulut nahan ktawa.
gelo... :D

Hmm.. besok kimia ma sjarah, mantep deh, abis kimia yg itung"an & apalin rumus lg, bistu tinggal main bulet"in aja seenak maumu!
hahahaha

Physic and civic udah lewaaatt kmaren. alhamdulillah bgt, gw ngerjain fisika-ny (tumben"an) lancar. xp

hari ini sih, lumayan..tp emang rada ngehang di Bio. apalanny bnyk bgt! B.ing ma Agama....it's fine, i guess.
Bismillah ajalah. Moga" dpt nilai tinggi, AMIN!

Okay, gotta go sleep to recharge my energy. :p

eh iya, farah!! gw ngakak sumpah baca blog lo! yg Ningsih! muahahahaha..gw mpe nangis pagi itu. xD
trus...ttg our last day in xipatu. i'll post about it later on x'(

Ps. Dinda was finally at home now, alhamdulilah.

Nimbuses

2009-05-31T11:38:00.003+07:00

So now here i am. went back home with dad.

i'm so, and i mean it, i'm really really :
sleepy, fidgety, ngitated, and extremely restless.

i need to study, i have to.
18hours remained.

...
and my house was becoming so dead calm without its chirpy, unruly kid in it.

(the sky has a HOLE in it???!)

It's nappy out there, by the way.
Lots of nimbus.

dinda oh dinda...

2009-05-31T05:39:00.004+07:00

Again.

This is my second time to spent night in a room of Medika Hospital, West Jakarta.

My lil sister has been attacked with DBD since yesterday.
Not that as bad as my mom's case last december, though. Dinda is particularly stronger. yes, she really is.
She's in a better condition, i dare to admit. Only her trombosit that is matter, 136 of 180. So the doctor said she need to be opnamed at this hospital for at least 3 days?

i am sick of this, too. Not physically, of course. 'cause i myself was used to sick. right before my sister started to got 40.7℃ fever on monday.

In the next 24 hours, i'll be faced with those final-examination's paper. how could i study with this kind of distraction? even if i was at home, leaving my mom/dad takin' care of my sist, (so that i, hopefully, will get a full-concern on study) my mind's still on her.

Oh..
would you all pleaasseee pray for me?

★

i'm posting this at the hospital. 5 minutes to 6am and i hadnt get enough sleep last night.
These nurses were always came in to checked. For 9 pm, 11, 12 am, 3, and the latest was at 5.
*nguaplebar*

And now i had this PHYSIC's book opened up right under my nose, for which this subject will be my FIRST BREAKFAST for tomorrow. C'mon, myself !!!

(rethink later)

2009-05-27T19:29:00.003+07:00

... when will you open your mask and come out here to realize? - anonim

lalalalalala i'm happy!

school has been as excited as usual! having a chemistry-test this morning.
and 6 of my classmates were absent so it made my class so....empty. seriously!

i'm about to facing the last-term examination next Monday (1-5 june),

maybe i'll pause blogging for a week. before it happens, i'll say that i'm gonna post some pictures of my vacation to HK last year.
really, i just feel like i want to. maybe because i just opened my picture albums and i want to share some of them with you too :)

eh, i miss my dedeq! :D

showing off by request. XP

2009-05-23T16:37:00.006+07:00

get the message ?

GO PURPLE !!!

explanation

2009-05-23T14:53:00.005+07:00

okay. please, do not complain.
i own this blog, yet i will write down whatever i feel i'd like to.
including this oh-so-small font i used.

pish, i'm avoid profanity while someone getting me mad. lucky you -_-*

***

to be realistic, i should've say that on these last few days, i've been wasting my time unproductively. i just, dont know how to build up an intend to do something useful.
such as... study.
haaaaaaaaaaah. though i had 2 weeks left before the last-year examination, and i had these 4 days of free time at home (thursday-sunday), what i've been doing so far are just...going online and watching,
lying at my room listening for the whole cds and casettes, reading pile of books and so on.

and most of times,
i spent my time by.......fighting with my sister.

thought i'd forgot what i've been saying about maturity in the last post. (remember?)
for being a nice, fine sibling.

***

uhm. for my "love" issue.. how to tell you my tubbies from the very beginning?

... he came to mi maison yesterday at 11. (i know, it was friday. but havent i tell you? we're on a holiday. just for 2 days)
he planned to talk to me about....umm, relationship? not that word. i think it much prefer to... a really-close-relationship between me and him these last 2 months.
you're all have known, that i've been falling in love with another man after my old, crucial story with *peeep*. so, this was just like i'm waking up from a hibernation of love and found a new, shining love?
delightful? hope so.

and you've known too, i was just too afraid. too..fragile.
instead, he is a way-too-complicated man. some of my friends here says that he's a... playboy. and i know for sure that they're meant to telling me that they wont let me fall. wont let me sad, miserable.
and the other reason ,
i had this friend of mine who's his ex-girlfriend in the past.
i wont hurt my own friend by dating her ex, so, yea.
and i dont know whether i'm able or not to halt my selfish-ness and the other bad-side of me, for which i've been experienced from my past.

=)

i have a gajjilionth of superkind friends
and it's more than enough.
i love you all

bless the broken road - rascal flatts

sitting, waiting, wishing.

2009-05-22T07:34:00.002+07:00

holiday :(

i'm waiting for him to coming, 3 hours left.

sitting, waiting, wishing.

(photo)

& i really hope i wont cry a river.

bad dreams tonight.

chat

2009-05-20T21:34:00.003+07:00

being absent from school today. maagh attacked :O

***

yesterday. at phone.

" ih curang, lo tiap hari nganterin gw pulang, tp smpe skrg gw ga tau rumah lo dimana! "
*ktawa* " biarin aah. biar tambah misterius! "
" wuuee! "
" yg jelas nempel ma tanah kooo "
" oh ya?! "
" iyaaa! samasama kamu juga, di bumi "
" ohh? gw pikir di venus "
" hmm? cwo dari mars kali bu "
" tapi lo dari venuuuss! "
" knapa gitu? "
" iya, buktinya lo tau banget soal cwe, makanya cwe lo banyak "
" ... "

am i get too offended?

2009-05-15T21:53:00.003+07:00

have you ever feels like..
you dont have anyone who's care bout you,
anyone who would think that you're just a bit special than anyone else,
and put you in a special place in their heart?

have you ever wonder..
does people who you claimed that he/she is a bestfriend of yours, will feel the same as you feel to them?

have you ever been in a situation,
when there're 3 bestfriend altogether and, two of them were just like.. even more closer to each other rather than with you.

have you ever feels like,
all of your friends laughing with themself and ignored you all along day?

have you ever been like that?

does it hurt?

does it really matter to think about?

does it really matter to be bothered with?

or was it me, who just too easy to get offended at all?

cause im feeling it right now =..(

TUBBY I MISS YOU!!!

superhuman - kery hilson

...cause i love you

2009-05-15T20:31:00.002+07:00

if you're not the one
then why does my soul feel glad today?
if i dont need you
then why does your name resound in my head?

i never know what the future brings
but i know you are here with me now
we'll make it through
and i hope you are the one i share my life with

i dont want to run away
but i cant take it i dont understand.
if i'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that i am?
is there any way that i can stay in your arms?

cause i love you
whether is wrong or right
and though i cant be with you tonight
and my heart is by your side

~

i'm more aware than ever

2009-05-13T17:43:00.006+07:00

because you've ever knew how it feels when you fall, how it feels when you get a heartbreak,
so now you will be more aware than ever.

let me combine my decisions below.

still, i will love him onwards. in the same time, i'll take care of my heart, wont let it fall.

Like i said before,
no more second time.
=)

zao an, world!

2009-05-10T06:24:00.001+07:00

Zao an! Ni hao ma? Ni qi chuang he chi zaofan le ma?
Jintian xingqi nimen yao gan shenme?

Hehe. You see, i avoid to let that huayu, or known as Mandarin Languange, run off my head. So i loved to use that languange as many time as i can, in case just to remember it. Perhaps by texted it to my friends, and makes them feel curious of what those alien-languange would mean.. xp

i fancy my bestfriend named Sandra, for she takes a foreign languange-course, which is France, somewhere in Salemba. I might have wanting to continue my Mandarin course, too. And, NIHON-GO as well :D (nyengir dh lu san! xp)

i admit Japan languange is easier than Huayu, especially on its letter form.
i particularly didnt understand any kind of Hanyu letter if you ask me to read. but if i have to choose, i'll prefer to read Hiragana or Katakana rather than Hanyu, for which the Japanese know it as a Kanji. i guess the letters-form between Kanji and Hanyu are equally the same, isnt it?

Hmmm.
So. This early morning, when i was sitting down on the balcony trying to find some books i havent reach out from the bookshelves there, i heard someone play on a drum! Haha! Cool! A morning-greet beating.
=)

Speaking of houses, (read my bf's blog : sandra : sic erat in fatis.) i'm wanting a violet or maroon colour, to dominate my own little-palace. Hehe. Thought it would be nice?
Combinate with peach, maybe. (it was suggested from a quiz of a magazine i read, b'girl)

Okay. Enough for this morning. i need a breakfast first. blabbin' out later! muach~

the equality between real life and imaginations

2009-05-08T08:42:00.006+07:00

life is a book.
every day is a new page ; with adventures to tell, things to learn,
and tales to remember.

*this picture had been erased, sorry

*my current bookmark*
:)

hey. i wish somehow he will ~~not~~ found my blog and read this. XP

and.

another holiday for 6 days.
i hope my plan with YOU, sansan! on Monday, wont be canceled. :P

and it was all about him

2009-05-06T22:37:00.001+07:00

The good thing of having a crush with your own friend in class is,
you know him so well.
Well enough to know how mischievous he is,
how smart he is,
how funny he is,
and how lovely he is.. (:

* the image has already been erased xp *

in addition,
you'll get more spirit to study harder, not only to beat him in such an excelent way, but also to prove,
how well you are to be both of his rival, and his love.

hehe (^o^)

seems like i started to be really in love and will make you, reader, get bored with what i've been talking about recently.

* one truth lies ahead : i love u lil bit much more than a common friend could do, but this is the best of the best, keeping it all in a friendshipness, not to get involved in any kind of a relationship. im blissful enough. and i thought you were, too. :) ilu.

ah, whatsoever.
Thanks God i've found him ;)

Goodnite.

will i be your next ex?

2009-05-06T15:45:00.004+07:00

i've had enough for today.
Spent much of laughters with my peers through the day til we got chocked with dryness of our throats. :D

i've decided i will join Hashfi, Risca, Via, Kevin, Carol, Putri, Desti, and Suci,
to go to Jogja for 5days on this holiday. ^^~
(the rest wont. cause it's not an obliged trip)
So yeah, wait for us, Jogja!!

***

the last time he fetched me home, was a nightmare for me.
i saw his ex.
And i just,
felt terribly scared, and guilty.
D:
in which i became very quite along the way home. 'til he turned his face onto mine in a trafficstop and asked.
x'(

second thought.

2009-05-04T14:17:00.000+07:00

Dear my blog...

that 'thing', is going to be canceled.
i do not want to take a risk on this feeling. Not anymore.

i already get enough love from people around me,
And i wont let anyone, including boys, to make it all gone and get me into suffer.

No,
not anymore.
:)

21st century breakdown - greenday

The thing in my eyes.

2009-05-03T08:16:00.011+07:00

My eyes get injured. Last day when i got a doctor for this, i hope he'll say it was sumthin i knew before, but the truth told, it's somethin new & different.
He said : " jaringan dlm mata kamu ada yg tumbuh. Kalo sampe sminggu ini gak balik normal lagi, kita oprasi."
Right that time, my heart skipped a beat, and i felt so terrified. Dx
I really really hope it wasnt a tumor.. =(
Ya allah jgn sampe ya oloh.. Jangan sampe.

Mungkin, ini gara2ny pas liburan kmrn, i used my laptop nonstop till 2 in the morning although i felt my eyes was already seemed so 'burem'. x(

And now, i still acted stubborn.
Posted this with my handphone's opera.
Cause my parent -surely- had forbid me to even turn the laptop on.
Oh. That'd be suck.
I really need everyone i loved to be here.. Just to make me feel secure..

Just now, this morning, after a lot of those 'ASK' initial from each smses he has sent me, he texted me what those letters stand for.

" 9uw sayang ma difa . . "
***

Tuhan...bisa gk rasa ini di cancel aja..?
Aku takut....
Takut klo nanti kehilangan lg...

im in love :)

2009-05-01T18:56:00.001+07:00

heyhoooo!!!

before i started, i wanted to warn you first. im in an ECSTATIC mood right now.
im really really glad and exciting and happy and cheers and whatever related to the word 'BLISSNESS' ;)

this, is a really awesome week, i'd say.

i've been soooooooooooo excited to get back to school every morning. and it makes me took a bath earlier than before,
which was about at 5.15, now become at 4.50..
so i'll on the way to school at 5.45, and arrives earlier too. hahahaha.

i think there would be 3 reason for this.

first is,
i am missing my friends at my class. although we spent this holiday together, still, i miss my class atmospher.
how it feels on the early morning when i arrived school. watching them sat there with the homeworks that undone..watching a friend who just came and approach us : " ngerjain apa sih?? hah? emang yg ini pr ya?! gw belom!!"
and then he/she cheating.. spelling the formulas.. some other being panicked when he/she found his/her homework is missing at home..
studying the subject which is about being to test that day.. me myself writing the note which my teacher ask me on the whiteboard..(im a secretary) and such a thing..

in a nutshell,
i miss my teachers, too.
*tapi boong! hahahhaha*

and,
the main probably reason is ;

i would never ever imagine that this thing was actually happened to me.
into my life,
into my heart.
for like.. the fourth times in my lifetime? xp

this kind of "dag-dig-dug" feeling and the way my heart tapped faster
after i pass by him..
and whenever i near to him..
And the whole point was,
im becoming so happy all along day and i bet u cant even make the smile on my face fading away..
The consequences of falling in love with ur own classmate?
=)...

yes, my dearest friends (you, tubbies)
im just falling in love with him..

no need to explain more here, cause i already told you, rite, fi, san?
tinggal dela nih.. aku mau telpon kamuuu dong! :)

and for my current bestfriends in class.., no offense, sayang. just keep me on track, oke? gw bisa jaga diri. :)

***
trus trus yaah!

gw baru aja nonton Missing Lyrics tadi siang!
daaaaaaann
OKY LUKMAN IS THE FIRST SCORE BREAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
saluuttttttt! *sembah sujud*
tambah ngefans deh ama dia.
hebaddd, dapet 100jt. tapi 50-nya dia sumbangin buat anak yatim (dia nazar dulu tuh pas baru dapet 75jt! emang yah. klo niatnya baik pasti dikabulin Allah)
hebohhh banget lagi.
penonton di studionya baru skali itu ramenya ampun2. tiap pengumuman kalo jawabannya si Oki bner, mreka naik ke atas panggung dan meluk2 si Oki sambil loncat2 kgirangan.
gak terkecuali gw, di rumah, pas dia dapet 100jt nya. wheeeeew! kegirangan bareng Dinda (my sist, red-)

***

punch ya later!
i just received an sms from him. huehehehehe :3

my current love song : Cinta Tak Sama - Nidji
take a look on its lyric!

First post by hp XD

2009-04-24T15:55:00.002+07:00

Wu an, wo de pengyou!

this is my first time to write a post using blogger-mobile loh! xp

***
Today, is the last day of this awesome holiday! Yippy dippy dum!

Just to rethink what i've done on this holiday :

Mon : Ancol Trip to getting my skin darker Dx
Tue : nothin', just stayed at home, tired.
Wed : Mega Carol Evi Shemi and i worked on our 6 homeworks together at my house, and have it all done just in 3,5 hours! *applause* :D
Thu : Carol, Evi, and i swam at puribeta! So crazy that i brought my camera hp into the water and took our sexy photos! muahahahah

Fri : stayed home, doing all the rest and preparing myself for getting ready to school on Monday 27th.

hmm. Wo yao qu xuexiao asap!
And 1 more thing ; my brother hadn't been coming home for approximately 3 weeks and now i missed him so badly. Hiks.. i hope he'll come back home asap, too~

i currently loves to listening the songs of Vierra band over and over again. It's nice.

Ok, zaijian!

day and night

2009-04-21T22:34:00.008+07:00

i used to see this view from my bedroom in fernwood, late at the silent nite...

and this,

when i woke up the next day in HIS glorious morning.

ancol trip

2009-04-21T12:42:00.008+07:00

blog..
these are some photos of my trip to ancol with my mates yesterday.
(yes, in the end, i decided to go. it was a holiday in PG, though.)

one more step, Dif, and u'll get free....

Bfs. makasih.. :)

exclude 3more friends.

Margareth = Juno ?

XD

Desti, my partner in crime :P

over 60 photos will be uploaded on facebook. soon.

hm. i'm not in the mood of writing anything. so, i'll end here.
zaijian.

PS. enak yah jadi anak kecil.. bebas..lepas.. gak da beban.. :sigh:

mending

2009-04-19T16:34:00.003+07:00

sometime in this life,
we need to put away our prestige
and start saying sorry if we had any mistake to the person we treated wrong.
like the anonim says (on the previous post),
" no one could live this life alone.
they need others not only to survive,
but to be happy for their own sanity as well. "
=)

yes i do take your apology.
we can be friend again after since.
do not make any quarrel with me again, okay?
no more backstabbing and childish-style in our friendship.
hey, im welcoming you back. hahahaha.
and, i bet you must be missing me so much, dont you??
jahahahahaha pede. :P

jalanlah kapan2.. oke?
xoxo

threatened DX

2009-04-18T21:56:00.005+07:00

this, is called "RANDOM PIC" xp

fiuuhh
im feeling quite sick now..
this morning i had a sport test - swimming - at a sportclub in Tangerang.
so i went there at 6. arrived 30 minutes later and finished at 9.
im so lucky that the teacher didnt ask us to swim at the..erm, the "deep-site"?, cause if he do so, i wont attend cause i cant swim perfectly.
well, i supposed i'll get rest after i got home, but my mates followed me home after swimming.. hashfi wants to "CCP" (for all of you whose a naughty student know what this mean) my homeworks and i think i dont want him to go here alone. yeah..you knowlah..
so i asks my other 'girl' friends to join.
at my house,
Runy asks me to watch a film on my laptop, then we spent hours to watched it. although i really need a peaceness on my own :P (huehehe just kidding. i didnt mind you came here)

but then, here they goes, dizzy and tired and puyeng-ness. xp

~

i was being threatened by my own friends to go with them to Ancol next monday.
it's a dillema for me, cause i have a course that day.
and also, i dont like being at a beach when the sun is so burning hot!!
uh, i really hate ruly and some others who insisted me and being like.. depending on my presence for that day, or they wont to go too!
what's so important? im not the one who hold the event, not even volunteering anything to go there, rite?
i know they're so damn kind and loyal and lovely but, as i said, i dont like the way they plead me.
in the other hand, yes, i feel both honoured and irritated together. XD and DX

okay, put that aside.

now i miss my nephews and nieces and cousins, since i've never ever meet them again for years, and i guess they're pretty much grown up i'd barely could not recognize them anymore..
wants to huggg. wants to kiss. muachs! xp

que sera sera

2009-04-17T12:41:00.002+07:00

A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and
outer life are based on the labours of others.
~ anonim

second day of holiday.

today i just sleep through the morning,
tired because of yesterday's journey. (happy birthday, Ran)

i should've never take 70 again. better with my trusted driver plus bf, carol.

***

goooooood news.
for all of you who participated on the Earth Hour last saturday,
congratulation, guys. we did it. over 180megawatts of electrical usage in Indonesia, had been thriftied.
it wasnt a vain i sacrified my willingness to watch a great movie on transTV that time. :)

go greeners!
we should do this again someday!

***

i know i can rely on this.
try it first,
and, que sera sera ~

holiday

2009-04-16T02:25:00.005+07:00

OH. WELCOME HOLIDAY! :))

* it's whatever. especially when your own parents wont forbid you anymore 'bout whoever you'll go with, and wherever you'll go to. so yeah, no more hide and seek :) *

hm?

2009-04-16T01:45:00.003+07:00

cant wait for tomorrow. and tuesday to come. :)
plus, my driving license!!!!!!

walking on a dream - Empire of The Sun

Maturity

2009-04-15T23:38:00.006+07:00

Dewasa.

Apa sih itu?
Hmmmm..

Akhir-akhir ini kata “dewasa” itu really-really bothering me.
Hal hal yang menyangkut kedewasaan dan menjadi dewasa, jadi tema baru yang tanpa gw sadari slalu terlintas di benak gw tiap gw ngadepin sesuatu – belakangan ini.
Definisi dewasa sendiri apa sih?
Gw sendiri gak tau.
Tapi, disini ada beberapa jawaban dari temen2 deket gw.

1. “ Dewasa itu dimana seseorang bisa membedakan mana yang baik dan buruk bagi dirinya sendiri dan orang lain, juga membedakan mana yang berguna/tidak bagi dirinya dan sekitarnya.
Seseorang bisa dianggep dewasa jika dia bisa berfikir jauh ke depan, dan karnanya mendapatkan apa yang dia inginkan “ ~ Hashfi

2. “ Dewasa itu, bisa mengalah, entah itu kepada teman-teman sebaya, ataupun orang-orang sekitarnya. Gak suka membesar-besarkan masalah, dan menjalani hidup dengan lebih bijaksana.
Orang yang bisa dianggep dewasa adalah..ya yang bisa ngelakuin apa yang gw sebutin diatas! “ ~ Farah

3. “ Dewasa bagi gue itu, bisa menghadapi sgala sesuatunya dengan kepala dingin dan menyelesaikannya secara bijak dan tanpa emosi berlebih.
Seseorang bisa dianggap dewasa kalau dia bisa jadi penengah konflik di sekitarnya.” ~ Ade

4. “ Dewasa? Sanggup memilih yang baik dan buruk, dan yang bisa merubah hal-hal jelek di dirinya dengan hal-hal yang jauh lebih positif “ ~ Ningsih

Hmmmm.
Setelah mereka ngasi pendapat2 kyk diatas, gw punya definisi dewasa menurut diri gw sendiri :
“ dewasa adalah, ketika lo sadar apa yang lo lakuin atau apa yang bakal lo lakuin baik di masa lalu maupun di masa yang akan datang, adalah perbuatan yang baik atau buruk. Dewasa adalah, ketika lo berpikir,” gak sepantesnya gw ngelakuin hal ini ”, ketika lo ngelakuin hal yang salah. Dan yang berpikir, “ oh, inilah yang emang harus gw lakuin” ktika lo menjalani hal yang benar –- atau yg orang lain anggap benar.

Dewasa juga, menurut gw, adalah sikap dimana lo berhenti bereaksi berlebihan ketika sesuatu menimpa lo. No matter how big the thing is. Dan menerima nya dengan tenang. Ketika lo bisa dengan ikhlas nerima semua cobaan yang Allah berikan ke lo. Apapun itu. Ketika lo mampu mengendalikan amarah lo dengan kepala dingin, dan tetep bersyukur karenanya.

Sedangkan contoh orang yang mnurut gw udah dewasa sekarang ini adalah : mereka semua. Temen-temen deket gw. Karna dewasa juga berarti, berani memberi saran yang bijak kepada orang lain, dan gak pernah takut untuk dicap “ hiperbola “ hanya karna menunjukkan sayang nya ke sahabat mereka dengan memberikan kata2 bijak sperti di atas.

Hmmmm.

Apa gw sendiri udah dewasa?

Mungkin klo gw jawap sendiri, udah pasti, gw jauh dari itu.
Tapi, i really want to be mature. So much.

Sedangkan, tmen2 gw berpendapat, “ oh iya Dif lo yang paling dewasa dari tmen2 laen yg gw kenal “, atau “ cukup dewasa, tapi masih manja “, atau malahan “ banget Dif, lo dewasa dan serius bgt! “
Oh-em-ji. -_-“

Tapi,
Gw tau -- kita semua tau, dewasa itu relatif.
Relatif dalam hal apa? SEMUANYA.
Relatif dari segi arti, terbukti dari bermacam-macam pandangan orang mengenai arti kata dewasa.
Relatif dari segi pandangan orang, bagaimana orang menilai yang lainnya, apakah dia termasuk dewasa atau tidak. Dua jawaban, ya atau tidak.

***
Gw punya satu cerita,

Yang berhubungan dengan sikap menjadi dewasa.
Tadi siang, gw berantem sama adek gw. dia nyeleneh ke gw, dan gw marah. Sampe gw ngbuat dia nangis. Nangis disini gak sembarang nangis, tapi NANGIS SESENGGUKAN SESEDIH-SEDIHNYA.

Disitu gw bertahan. Gw gak mau ngasihanin dia dengan tujuan, kalo gw baikin dan manjain, sikap dia tadi gak kan ilang sampe dia gede.
Tapi akhirnya dia ngadu ke nyokap. (oh, khas anak kecil korban saudara sendiri -_-“)
Ya otomatis gw di ceramahin. Dan disitu, gw nyesel banget. Nyokap sedih. Ngliat anaknya berantem, ngedenger adek gw nangis kyk gitu – yang kata nyokap gw : “ nusuk banget “.

Disitu nyokap gw suaranya udah tercekat gitu. Dipikiran gw saat itu : “ oh mampus gw, jangan sampe nyokap nangis! “
Ehh gw jadi ikut2an pengen nangis juga deh saat itu.
Akhirnya, stelah ngomong sama nyokap, gw masuk kamar. Adek gw masih nangis di lantai bawah.

Gw mikir..
“ aku udah gede. Udah 17. Pantes gak sih berantem dengan ending kyk gini ma adek kandung sendiri? Harusnya kan aku kasitau ke dia gimana harusnya dia bersikap setelah berbuat salah, bukan cuma marahin dan teriak2 kyk tadi. Aku harus jadi kakak yang bener2 dewasa, kyk apa yang mama papa slama ini lakuin ke aku, kakak, dan adekku. “

Akhirnya,
Gw turun lah kebawah.
Dia masih nangis di sofa. Dan disitu, rasa gak tega gw denger dia nangis muncul lagi.
Dia gw peluk. Gw usep2 kepalanya.. cium2in.. gw bilangin deh tuh, klo dia harusnya gk boleh gitu ke kakak sendiri, ke orang yg lebih tua.. dan dia harus minta maaf ke gw klo gak mau terus2an dimarahin.. *karna emang tadi alasan gw marah2 ke dia karna dia gak mau minta maaf stelah ngelempar gw dan teriak2 di depan muka gw*
Sampe akhirnya gw sendiri ikut2an nangis..
*sigh*

Gw keinget nyokap.. inget omongannya tadi.. ngeliat anak2nya sendiri saling berantem.. ngeliat anaknya nangis sgitunya gara2 kakak kandungnya sendiri.. nyesek banget kali ya?? =((
Dari situ gw niat,
Mau jadi kakak yang lebih baik buat adek gw.

Dia terpaut 8 tahun bedanya ma gw. Dia kelas 4, sdangkan gw 2 SMA. Itu bukan jarak yang dikit, dan juga, dia udah mulai gede.. insting “benar atau buruk” nya pasti meningkat dong sesuai meningkatnya usia? Makanya.. gw gkmau dicap sebagai kakak yang gagal.

Gw juga ngerasa, hubungan gw sama dia tuh udah berbeda banget ama hubungan gw ma dia beberapa tahun lalu,, bukan lagi kyk sekarang. Sekarang tuh, dia lebih ‘hormat’ ma gw. (meski masih nggak jg dikit2)
Gw pernah ngerasa, pas dia ngeliatin gw dengan seragam putih abu2 gw, ato pas dia ngeliatin gw ngerjain pr2 dengan rumus2 rumit dengan tampang ‘mana-mungkin-aku-bisa-ngerti-ini’ .. mungkin dia ngrasa kagum ato gimana gitu lah. Seakan-akan “ wah.. kakakku udah gede ya.. udah sma..”

Pemikiran yang sama yang gw rasain ke kakak gw dulu ktika dia SMA.

Selain itu,
Gw bner2 pengen bersikap dewasa, karna emang malu juga lah ya ama badan. Udah bongsor tapi masih kyk anak umur 9 taun. Ga etis banget ih.

Uuuuuuhh, gak nyangka gw udah nulis panjang begini. Huehehehehe
Curhat boo’.
Hm hm. Just wanted to post this. ‘bout maturity.
And wanted to apologize undirectly to my beloved sist’.. huhu.. i love you so much little kid. Maafkan kakakmu ini.. muaaach!

vindicated

2009-04-14T21:21:00.005+07:00

i love you Rani, and you too, Fifi. really <3

***

gak pernah terbayangkan bahwa suatu saat nanti gw bakal bersyukur banget dikasi tugas dan pr yang seabrek banyaknya kayak hari2 blakangan ini.
oh. bahkan, I WANT MOREEEEEEEEEE~ :)

Manusia - vierra

Paris van Java

2009-04-05T10:45:00.005+07:00

on my mom's birthday, which is yesterday,
adit was intended to give mom surprise by came home -- to Jakarta, without telling us first.
so he arrived at 7, probably. cause i was still sleeping when he came.. xp
and then, we planned to go to Bandung.
after mom and dad attended a wedding party *again*, we went downtown to CIWALK (cihampelas walk, a SHOP PARADISE ^^)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
i was so pleased to go there.. :)

while mama, papa, and my younger sister dinda chose to stay at a restaurant, me and my "cosmo" brother walked trough the ciwalk shops
with the amount of Rp.300.000 dad gave us in our pocket :)))

i'm sooo lucky my brother is a shopaholic too! hehe
we gives opinion to each other's buy-this-things-option.

in the end,
i've got 4 items which areeee :
a dress @ Rp 109.000
2 shirt @ Rp 25.000
a necklace @ Rp 15.000

and him :
a bag @ Rp 87.000
a T-shirt @ Rp 63.000

and I lend my own money for him bought the SUPER BIG POSTER of OASIS which is cost Rp 15.000,-

*ini yang ultah nyokap tp yg gila2an blanja malah anak2nye. huehehehehe*

apparently, after we both felt tired and back to the car, mom and dinda were already bought clothes too! haha
just dad who's bought a lot of FOOD instead of clothes.

and, arrived home safely at 9pm.

HOW I LOVE this "PARIS VAN JAVA" place. :)))

happy birhday, Mama :)

2009-04-04T21:51:00.008+07:00

if there's another word besides "love" to mention how much i wanted her in my whole lifetime, i'd be the first person who'll use it for her.
i love you Mama. Happy birthday ^^~

fairytales and how it ends.

2009-04-03T22:04:00.004+07:00

mengapa setiap dongeng selalu berakhir bahagia?
dan dengan mimpi-mimpi yang akhirnya terwujud?

mungkin..si pendongeng adalah orang yang paling tau jawabannya.

tapi aku..si pemimpi, akan berkata :

siapa sih yang ingin bangun di tengah malam, dan mendapati langitnya tak berbintang?
siapa yang ingin menjalani cerita hidup tanpa ditutup oleh kalimat :
"hidup bahagia selamanya" ..?

# cuplikan dari film Biarkan Bintang Menari karya Indra Yudhistira #

tonight

2009-04-02T20:00:00.002+07:00

this night..
if u're staring at the sky like i do now

a millions up away...
there are so many stars rite there, rite now..
pretty stars, pretty moon, pretty clouds,

pretty routine stuffs :(

my rainbow

2009-04-02T11:29:00.004+07:00

R A I N B O W

i was capturing those photos yesterday.
beautiful, aite? =)

BF isnt for boyfriend, it's BESTfriend.

2009-04-02T11:18:00.004+07:00

YESTERDAY at 8:29pm

i'm so lucky that i have this bestfriend who always lend his shoulder (ear, exactly) whenever and wherever i need.

i ran off to my bestfriend instead of going to my course this evening,
and my mouth was like never want to stop telling him just the minute i met him.
he's one of many bfs i confide in.

okay, friend aboves all.
and for me, it'll never be a "BF" means boyfriend, it's BESTFRIEND. :)

Sugar we're going down - fall out boy

mind blow

2009-03-31T09:47:00.006+07:00

aloha blog!
its been almost a week since the last post.
i've been quite busy, and it's like my life was full speed ahead.

actually,
im posting this at home! holiday, pals!! aha!
and today's plans are : going to another shopping centre with my bestfriends, then, go to my friend's birthday party at 4pm.

i've been wondering why..
it's often happen to me when i met another stranger and they just becoming a friend of mine, or they just know me a little and they like to asks me, "how's/who's your boyfriend? you do have one, rite?" and when i said "Nope, i dont", they NEVER believe. :@

urrgggh.

like yesterday.
at my course in primagama.
there is one new teacher.. a young man.
we had a little chat and introduced ourself to him.
when it was my turn, i was just surprised of him that he already know I was ever lived in SG. and the conversation went off, ended with his question : "so, have u found your fiance there? "

*eye-rolled*

dont ever make me think about that again, pleasee?? m|m

besides, wth he was thinking?
me, a 11th grade student at senior high, being already engaged at 17?

okay, stop.

Mmmmmm. last night i had another chit chat with Fifi againn.
and we were talking abouttttt... eng ing eeenngg :
prostitute xp
underage pregnant girl
and,
doomsday!

hahahahaha.

* pas banget loh fi. aku abis nonton DVD Juno kmarennya! XP
dan luckily, aku ~~gak~~ mimpi basah smalem. HAHAHA

dynamo of volition

2009-03-25T20:16:00.001+07:00

every once a week, comes a man in my BK class (Bimbingan Konseling, -red).
I forgot who's the name but he's the one of Andy Wongso student. FYI, Andy Wongso is one of the Best Motivator in Indonesia, and in Asia.
and, as Andy Wongso himself, this man, is also has a really great speech and super great advices for us.
until this second, i still remember the words he just said today. " after you're 18, your parents will put all of your willingness and choice of life to your own shoulders.
they cant live by your side forever, they must lead you to success, keeps your eyes peeled, they wanted you to be ready, preparing yourself to exchange their position sometime in the next day.
Nevertheless, i can see people nowadays are becomes too blind to care about that things."

:')

that-is-so-true-you-cant-even-deny-it.
his words were like a hint for me.
hit me like a high electrical current in every cells of my body.

and, what i've been thinking about now is,
IM SO DAMN AFRAID OF LOSING MY PARENT IN A SINGLE MINUTES I'VE SPENT.

God please i beg Youuu :'(

* Good news : i'll have lots (and i mean it, a lots) of school holiday. as the 12th grade get their UN and UAS and TryOut test. hihi

** when another love came after you get over the old one, would you take it that easy?

what a wonderful world - Ramones

changes.

2009-03-24T21:17:00.001+07:00

it's just about our life has to move on.
people get their own turning point.
and yes, i do have more new bestfriends, and you get yours.
or perhaps someone you love. i knew people do making changes.
just let it be.
and please, let me know.

Have a little faith in me - Mandy Moore